Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Monday, September 14, 2009

Del Potro defeats Roger Federer!!!!!

Well, as per usual, I am sort of sad that the end is here. After this match, what the hell am I going to do with myself? Clean up dead birds? I hate it when a grand slam ends. The only thing good about a grand slam ending is that I will no longer have to listen to Mary Carillo. I'll miss Johnny Mac, though. He's a fave around here.

Is Del Potro going to tighten up? Federer has a 6/0 head to head with Delpo. Hmm. But Delpo is young and getting better every day. So maybe he'll make a match of it? Not yet. But, hey, it's only the second game!

CONTRAVERSY!!!!! Just kidding. I think there was something on the court. So a replay is called for. Man, that little "whoaa" moment woke me up. I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine now.

Well, as this match isn't so thrilling, I'm going to talk about myself for a minute. I am now 258 in the racquet bracket. This is down from THREE. This is because Andy Murray is a bad man and didn't make it to final. I do have Fed winning so I'll get some points, but I think I am out of the running for a T-shirt.

Also, RR and I were talking about trying to be the absolute LAST place, you know, purposefully? Just for the heck of it. And what made me think of that is I accidentally checked my racquet bracket for the Aussie Open- and I was 5008 out of around 6000. That's really really bad. But I can't remember if I did it on purpose- wait, I lie- I didn't do it on purpose. Sigh.

Oh - now it's good all of a sudden! Delpo woke up? I woke up, too. Maybe he sensed I opened a nice bottle of Rose from Provence and thought, "I gotta enterain this lady." Thank, Delpo, for thinking of me.

Oh WOW! Delpo is up a minibreak. I'm excited. Also, I'm feeling a bit itchy (fleas..I gotta bomb this house this week). He's got a set point! Oh man, that looked like one of my overheads! I suck at overheads. OK, now he a set point on his serve. This could be fun! I'm ordering sushi tonight! I'm really in the mood for a five setter. YEAH! Go Delpo!

What's this about a Lexus? Have I missed this the whole tournament? That's a sweet looking car.

OK, old dudes and their young wives. Gavin and Gwen! I like them. shit, I wish I could get away with that lipstick color. She's awesome- I love her.

WOW! The break! Delpo is looking like he believes! And Fed looks- ruffled. That is the word that I think best describes Fed when he gets off his game.

The shit word! not as beautiful as the fuck word, but hey. The challenge system is flawed, that may be the only smart thing that has ever come out of Carillo's mouth. It should just BE, IMO. As in, get rid of line judges. Otherwise, someone needs to kidnap her and make her go away. Maybe she'd make a good- PTA president?- or something like that? But get her off tennis commentary.

OK, Delpo is swinging like a crazy man. He's making it sometimes...but it's a little remiscient of Gonzo before Stepanki taught him a thing or two.

THE BREAK! Oh man, I am sooooo in the mood for a five setter! I'm hanging out on Tennis X (click here)- because it's so lively and so far none of the scary nutty people who do hang there are there! So it's fun!!! Come join.

OK, now I'm behind because I had to get food. But Fed just broke back. Not so surprising.

WOW! What a match! Fed really started playing badly but all credit to DELPO!!! An Argentine!!!! I'm so happy. I love tennis.

Yours Truly,

The Williams Sisters Defeat Black and Huber

Well that was quick. I got to watch the whole thing before making a ham sandwich, because it was like "boom", it's over.

I find watching womens' doubles alarming. I don't feel that way about the mens, oddly. I just feel that the women- all of them - go right at each other! I wince a lot.

I will say it was great to see Serena get such great crowd support. Her fans are the real thing. In fact, I was invited to join a group on facebook called "shut the fuck up if you don't love everything about Serena Williams".

OK, countdown to the men's final! I like both the players...I'll be drinking wine and blogging! (Although I'm doing this from my sons' room because RR has still not cleaned up the dead bird in the living room.)

Yours Truly,

Kanye and Serena

Rowan here, quick post!

So cool that Paula and family went to the VMAs! I am jealous. I love it when Kanye behaves badly, I can't help it. The man is great. Serena is great too, I don't think she deserved what happened. She and Kanye should collaborate. 

I'm a big Fedophile, but wouldn't it be cool if Del Potro wins the US Open tomorrow and does the most epic cross himself and kiss the heavens thing ever? I would like to see that.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Serena at the VMAs!!

People! It is really late. We are just getting back from the MTV Video Music Awards where Serena showed up! ( We thought she would!) Regardless of how tired I am, I feel the need to say a few things of last nights semi and - yeah. I normally make all sort of jokes- we all know there is plenty of straight commentary- but here it is. Here's a response to Danny and just my words on this debacle-

A player cannot challenge a foot fault. The camera for challenges only follows the ball. That said- I truly believe that getting rid of the foot fault is not possible- there must be a line drawn for where a player lands his/her foot. That said! It doesn't need to be a FAULT. It should be- and this after much discussion with RR and myself- it should be A LET! That's right, a let. Like when the ball during a serve hits the top of the net. It IS a dumb call. But we can't get rid of the line for the foot to land. BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE A FAULT. This is our assesment. Larry Scott and other asswipes who make the rules - take note.

Now, as this blog is also a blog the lets you all into the homes and hearts of tennis watchers- we came home and there is a dead bird spread all over our house. Literally. We are grossed out. It's a dead bird -still warm-- spread out all over our house. We had fun at the Video Music Awards, but a bad coming home moment. Really, really gross.

We just got back from the VMAs! Serena was there!

More soon.

Yours Truly,

Satan, Thy Name is Mary

I hate Mary Carillo. She cannot even bother to hide her hatred of the Williams sisters. Serena made a big mistake last night losing control, but the way Carillo is calling for her head is unprofessional and truly distasteful. Meanwhile, Serena is at the VMAs tonight. AWESOME!

In other news, I loved the women's final. Clijsters played a fabulous game with some killer winners right down the line. I was really impressed. I can't wait to see her play again. But can we at least acknowledge that the way people are fawning over her motherhood like she's Jesus's mother a bit much?

Saturday, September 12, 2009


I have been watching tennis since I was a little kid and I have never seen a debacle like the end of the Clijsters v. Williams match.

Clijsters played a wonderful match and no one can take that from her. The way she dismantled Serena's impressive serve was, well, impressive. I'm fairly certain Kim is going to wipe the court with Wozniacki tomorrow night. Serena and Kim will definitely meet again. I'm excited for women's tennis next year.

Still. If I were Serena, and a foot fault was called on me at that point in the set when she was already down 15-30, I too would have told the linesperson I was going to shove the racket down her fucking throat. I would have likely said some other impolite things as well. Tennis players behave badly on court all the time. I'm baffled as to why the officials chose to use the US Open semifinals as a forum for making an example. I think this is going to turn into a big hot mess come Monday (seeing how there was NO foot fault) and I also think if it were one of the popular players on tour who had behaved badly, the point penalty would not have been assessed.

Still, my favorite part of the match was watching the press conference afterward when Serena was trying to be calm and mature. It was definitely an award-winning performance. I particularly appreciate that she acknowledged how well Kim had played and that she was defiant and not too apologetic about her conduct. I love her even more today than I did yesterday. Bitch is fierce.

Serena defaults against Kimmy - WHA?

RR here -

Whoa what just happened? We had a match. That was wrong. Yeah foot fault code violation whatever, that was not the way for that match to end. It's a big shame. Maybe Kim would have broken, maybe not and the match goes on, maybe Serena digs it out - we'll never know. That was wrong.

Give the chair more discretion, avoid messed up legalistic moments like this.

RR out

Gonzo Tanking?- Nadal Bagels Gonzo

It is illegal (in Tennsilandia) to tank a match. I think Gonzo is tanking. I sort of wish that there was more complaining about it from the people talking, meaning Johnny Mac. Hm.

OR! The other real possibility is he's serious injured- those foot wrapping things looked pretty intense. It's very possible his movement is seriously hampered. Now, all of a sudden, I'm feeling sorry for him. They just showed his dad in the audience.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

HEY! I was courtside at Nadal-Gonzalez tonight!

RR Here - I was at the Open again, more tickets through my jobs, and they were good ones! Paula super-generously let Rockyroad go in her place - this was before we knew how awesome the tickets were! So it was me and my boy 3 rows in, in the corner, on the chair side, on the broadcast booth side! We don't accept big money corporate sponsorships here on Must Watch Tennis, as that would compromise our integrity, so I can't mention who gave us the tickets, but, thanks guys!

Anyway I finally remembered the camera - or rather Paula remembered it to me. Here's a picture of Gonzo, on the left.
And here is a picture of Rafa - yes I caught him right in mid butt-pick:
I am trying my best to make this layout nice or at least not completely messed up. Maybe unsuccessfully.

We left after the first rain delay. It really didn't look like it was going to stop And it did for just a bit, but awesome as it was being so close I have no regrets - we couldn't have made a crazy late night of it. Anyway they only played a few more games, and have stopped again. I think that's it for the night,

Here's another pic of Rafa, looking rough and tough whilst toweling off. Rockyroad knew a bunch of the ball/towel boys, from being at the USTA camp - instructors and so on there. he knew this guy holding the towel.

By the way Reggie Molina was sitting right in front of us. I don't know who he is, but I think a ball player for the Yankees maybe? I should look it up. Anyway everyone else was like "holy crap!". For all I know we were surrounded by reality show stars - I have no idea.

A couple more pics - Here is the Beeg, stepping out right when the rain started and saying... something? I don't know what he said!

I'm going to make an observation about the actual match. Nowhere near the hard-hitting we saw with Nadal and Monfils. Obviously, super hard hitting from Gonzo, but Nadal I feel mainly pushing the ball back. Partly because he has an injury, but I also feel like it was a tactic. Particularly the first set tiebreak - he was spinning balls back short and daring Gonzo to whack the shit out of them. Which he did. Gonzo had at least 3 if not 4 long balls in that tiebreak, in my opinion provoked by Rafa, and it made the difference. Crafty!

One other note - being courtside in Arthur Ashe, there is really a lot of noise and distraction. For example, me, taking pictures and saying "oh my god this is so amazing!" every 30 seconds. I am amazed these guys can stay focused.

Here is one more pic of the booth - you can see Johnny Mac and I am not sure who is with him - was it Patrick? Can't quite tell.

Anyway it was an amazing experience. We have been courtside at matches before, but it is a different thing night time at the Open. Super fun. Wish the weather had held, but hey.

Looks like the match is really done for the night, and tomorrow is supposed to be a pile of rain too. Boo!

RR out

Del Potro Defeats Cilic and- I'M NUMBER THREE

Well, after the first set, to which I actually paid attention, I am sort of surprised to see Del Potro rolling here in the fourth. It was sort of a fun match- two youngish guys. Two tall dudes.

Rick Rock and Rockytoad are on their way now, to watch Nadal and Gonzo, live! It's supposed to rain, but I have my fingers crossed for them. I'm staying home and feeding Cheesewad- what else? --pizza. I'm glued to the TV though and super excited to watch Nadal and Gonzo. Now, I don't know their head to head (although I could look it up and will- just checked it's 6/3 Nadal, see for yourself by clicking here) but I wonder if Nadal is just going to plow through him. It should be an awesome display of hitting. And the Chilean fans are NUTS. They always make things exciting. Also, Gonzo is sort of a dick, so that has it's entertainment value as well.

Also, last I looked? I was number SEVEN in The Tennis Channel's raquet bracket!!!! Rick Rock? He was 1450!!! HAHAHA! Sorry. I'm mean to him sometimes. Honestly? I filled it out all cold hearted and seriouslike. He probably listened to his heart. I have done that before, and then I end up number 1450. I felt like winning a T-shirt this time. (RR once won a T-shirt.)

OH MY GOD! I just re-checked! I AM NUMBER THREE!!!!!! Oh man. I...I might cry.

More soon!!!

Yours Truly,


Happy Birthday, Rowan!! I know it's a very different time in New Zealand, so you are asleep or out for dinner or something very different than being sort of ill from too much coffee first thing in the morning (that would be me), but happy birthday, man. I'm super grateful to have you on board here at Must Watch Tennis All The Time.

Yours Truly,

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Drinking Their Blood Will Not Make You Young

Tennis commentators for the most part are old and crusty. They are often has beens, save for John McEnroe who is a flawed individual but is and always will be a tennis legend. These old and crusty people are obsessed with youth and so we, as an audience, have to forgive them for their relentless coverage of the 17 year old American and the 19 year old Dane who are both just so pretty and just how much Oudin's life has changed.

Guess what? They play tennis too.

The first set was all about nerves. Neither woman played particularly well but Wozniacki was consistent and against a young player on Center Court for the first time, consistency is all you need.

The second set, we're starting to see some actual tennis. With this match, it really will come down to who wants it more.

And now the commentators are obsessed with Oudin's practice habits and again, Mary Carillo and her "Teenagers." You just know she wants to slice open one of Oudin's veins, and take a hearty sip of that teenager blood. Sadly, it will not make her any younger.

Oudin is fired up now after the weird stoppage of play over the line call. She hit a fierce winner. Wozniacki is getting flustered. I love when she tried to wail on the ball and right into the net that ball went. This match is about to get real good, if we're lucky. And Oudin gives up a brilliant drop shot. Nice.

Sadly, Oudin couldn't get it going in the end. I look forward to see what she's going to do next.

That was fairly classless how Shriver basically insulted Wickmayer and dismissed her as a nobody. Excuse me, but she is in the semi-finals of a major. God. These people.

That interview with Oudin, at the end, was awkward. That poor kid just wanted to go to the locker room and cry it out and maybe have a tantrum. But no. Pam Shriver was all up in her face asking Melanie stupid questions. If that were me, I'd be measuring Shriver's rectum to see how well it might accommodate the girth of the microphone.

I'm going to be reading about feminism and modernism during the Federer Soderling match. Federer bores me. He's all perfect perfect perfect, dimpled smile, perfect perfect perfect. I'm over it.

Oudin v. the Woz (Dane) - Rage Against the Machine!

RR Here -

I just think the Oudin story is so amazing. That a little girl from Georgia could get a wild card into the Open, win, win again, get into the Quarters, and then on top of it become President of the United States! The first 17 year old in history! It's just incredible. We had change we could Believe in, but this, people, is big bucks.

It's no accident. She already has 3 interns from Harvard working on her account at IMG. One is working on the book deal for her memoir - "I Believe I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass at Tennis, Bitch: How a Little Girl from Georgia Won Big and Scored an Awesome Rep Deal With the Best Sports Agency in the World, and Then Got A Sweet Endorsement Deal". Harvard Boy number two's job is to order up the "Believe" T-shirts and give them out to the team, family members, fans, strangers, homeless people, the Mexican hijackers in case the get on the news while being executed, etc. Harvard Boy number three's job is to say "Oh My God! I'm so excited!" over and over to the other two to keep them pumped up. Trademarking the word "Believe" was a highly worthwhile investment.

Oudin just lost the first set. She's got the Woz just where she wants her... I "believe" the script calls for some diving later, let's see if she comes up with it...

People I am just having fun - she's playing great tennis and she is a cute kid. It's just the rumblings of the machine kicking into gear that makes me feel weird.

Rockyroad is out watching "District 9" with a friend. The machine kicking into gear made me think of when the giant spaceship finally roars to life! That is what's happening at IMG right now - the alien dudes there (see P's awesome alien post! They are everywhere!) are revving up the kickass alien PR machine, strapping into the giant PR ass-kicking alien whoopass suit, eating some cat food and YEAH!

All right Melanie - time to come back now girl! America needs a hero!

RR out and getting back on his meds - cheers!

Melanie Oudin in the Quarterfinals

It's 3/1 in the first set. The Dane Woz (as opposed to the Canadian one) is up a break. Now, when they did that "right before you go out on court" interview, which, if I were a tennis player, I would start a PAC to discontinue, Melanie looked SOOO nervous. Now, the Woz in no greater an opponent than Petrova, Dementieva and that other person she beat (sorry - cocktail hour-oh, hahaha!, Maria Sharapova!)- but a Quarterfinal is decidedly different. And every day, with every win, poor Melanie gets more and more pressure and stupidity piled on her. By stupidity- well, RR will elaborate on that, as he is better at taking down the man, being closer to the land of "the man."

Anyway, it's just the beginning! More soon.

Yours Truly,

Yanina Wickmayer defeats Katerina Bondarenko

Some brief comments on tennis and related things (which is everything):

I like the way they make a "story" out of everything on ESPN. Like, instead of Wickmayer being a young tennis player, they do all this humanizing and personal story stuff. Remember when they did that about Maria Sharapova? "They came from Siberia, with 500 dollars to thier name...Maria was only seven..." That story got dropped ages ago, but there was a time where it WAS NON-STOP. I turned off the volume when Bud Collins came out. I feel sorry for him, sort of, but he makes me grab my head and moan, too. I actually liked Wickmayer's tomboyish vibe- her shorts, her lankiness. We here also find both Bondarenko ladies interesting. So, I was like, eh, who cares- both these chicks are cool in thier own way. So it was hard to get fired up. Bondarenko has the rad tat and the pierced nose- I like the bad girl vibe. And - as mentioned- I love Wickmayer's tomboy thingy.

We were at the Nadal/Monfils match last night!!! It was amazing to watch those two rally live as opposed to on TV- it's no comparison. On TV, it's like two people playing really great tennis. But not live, wierdly, which is where you are actually in front of "real" people. It's not tennis to me live like that- it's some strange super human phenomena that scientists have yet to explain. It's abnormal! It's like they look like human beings but really they are aliens from the planet of badasssports. And then I got to thinking, maybe those scientologists are right?! We are ALL aliens, but only certain people have figured it out??? Or something? Just a thought. I mean, Tom Cruise makes alien amounts of Aliens. And speaking of Tom Cruise and aliens and tennis, Nicole Kidman was in the audience! They showed her on the big TV screen. I winced. She looks like an alien! Her face is giinormous and martiany glowing and white and her features made me think of those Mr. Potato toys I once loved! Oh MY GOD. We are aliens, just some of us more obviously than others? I'm going to think about this more at cocktail hour.

I left right when it ended (babysitter!) so did not witness the guy coming and hugging Rafa. I will say that Nadal is soooo sweet and handled it well but NO ONE should get on the court and touch a player! It's twice this year now this has happened and it's inexcusable. Security MUST be better. Nadal is being was a bad scary thing to happen. I love him, but I'm mad at the security people. Really mad. Also, on the ESPN thread, they talk about how "gay" it was. My immediate reaction was "people are idiots". And then a more refined idea came to mind- "people don't know about Spanish culture- it's not nearly as uptight about contact between men."

OK! Speaking of Spanish culture! VERDASCO is coming up....oh yeah.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

They Call Them Guns for a Reason

I am an unabashed Serena Williams fan. I know there are weaknesses in her game (not really) and that she should play more (eh, not really) but I think she is exceptional.

When I watch her playing, I understand why people refer to arms as guns. When she unleashes her serve, she's sending a bullet right down the line and that bullet has a name on it. She shoots to kill. Her forehand, when it's on, is all the way on. She is a weapon and love her or hate her, you have to respect her serve, its power and its consistency.

This Williams v. Pennetta match is really interesting. Both ladies are showing sophisticated play. I like that Serena is thinking about her shots and in the second set she's really intense. She wants this win. When she shouts, "Come on!!!!" I get so damn pumped. I say it too, only I'm sitting in my living room so it doesn't have the same impact and I get strange looks.

Unlike many of Serena's other matches this year, Pennetta is forcing Williams into really long rallies and both players are giving us a clinic on shot selection. That lob Pennetta dropped which Serena applauded was classy business. I wish I could hit a shot like that. Sadly, the only way that would happen would be if I were flying above the court and dropped the ball from the sky.

Serena is hammering away at those balls. The definition in her arms makes me sick.

I like Pennetta. She has spunk. She held her own throughout the match. She should hold her head high.

The last point of the match was exceptional. Pennetta has my utmost respect. She did not give up. She fought hard and hit some elegant shots. I like that she didn't just bend over. She believed she could win, even at the very end. Case in point. The last serve at 40-15, was a nearly unreachable serve wide in the corner and Pennetta not only got it but sustained a rally. Every time Serena thought she had hit a winner, Pennetta had a solid answer.

I love when players start cursing at themselves because they don't know what to else to do. That's the thing about tennis. You're out there alone. Even surrounded by thousands of people, when you're down a break, your legs are heavy, your body drenched in sweat, center court must be the loneliest place in the world. That's why tennis is the greatest game in the world.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The Feel-Good Story of the Open - Yes, I'm Talking About Wickmayer

RR here -

I know, the coverage has been non-stop to the point of being annoying, but I have to join in. I am that excited. That's right, I'm talking about Wickmayer's big breakthrough at the '09 US Open. Into the quarters. I know - seems like big news, and the tennis world is all abuzz, but we tennis insiders have seen this coming for a long time. Ever since the rumors first emerged about Henin having her brain transplanted into a 6' body and making a comeback... an amazing sacrifice by Wickmayer to offer her body up for this amazing scientennific experiment. What?

Other matches... Soderling advances... which is good for my racket bracket. But will he just roll around on the ground and expose his vulnerable parts for Federer like he did at the French? Or will he growl and bare his teeth and make his fur stand up and so on? I have no idea.

Alona Bondarenko absolutely bagelizing Dulko... wait no! NO! Not Alona - Kateryna. (Thanks comment person!) Dulko is my girlfriend so I am sad. I saw Kateryna, Alona's sister (or Alona is Kateryna's sister?) upset Ivanovic last week. Go sisters! Sisters working it out outrageously! There's a third Bondarenko sister too. Look for the new series, "Those Bondarenko Girls", on the WB. We saw Alona walking around the grounds last year, with like 3 serious boy toys in tow. (Note from Paula- three SERIOUS boy toys in tow- it was impressive!) Pretty girl. Size 12 feet (men's) at least. Foot people take note. Don't know so much about Kateryna, except she looked like a super jock and had a rad tat on her back.

We didn't get to see Verdasco/Isner. We were hanging out with Cal Redmond, our favorite pro from Total Tennis, at his joint. He's a photographer and a tennis genius. We played tennis today. The whole family. A rare occasion for Rockytoad and Cheesewad to get a piece of Mom and Dad. They were like wolves tearing at a crippled moose. Little savages. Sorry I am not making much sense tonight. Anyway Cal was awesome - he yelled at us awesomely until we did better tennis. Then, he made us nachos. Our kids hung with his beautiful children and we hung with him and his lovely wife Iris. A great evening.

I am done - tomorrow we are going to the night session.

RR out

Even Pretty Girls Sometimes Wear Ugly Dresses

I'm the first person to admit I enjoy the asthetics of tennis as I much as I enjoy the play. For example, Oudin's shoes are fabulous. I want them, but alas, I have big feet. It's a curse.

It is easy to focus more on the aesthetics during lackluster matches like Wozniacki vs. Kuznetsova. First, say that three times without tripping over your tongue.

There's not much to discuss about the first set. It was pretty sad and boring. I have always wanted to like Wozniacki. She has an odd little game... while relatively she's a solid player, she seems rather milquetoast on the court. She's very pretty but she doesn't garner the attention of say, a Kournikova. She's talented, but not as talented as many other women on tour. I generally forget she's even playing until her name appears at the bottom of the screen during a match. Kuznetsova is another interesting player. She has a lot of game but she lacks flair. She's a severe looking lady on the court which is odd, because when you see pictures of her out and about, she looks much nicer and by nicer I mean friendlier. I'd be frightened standing across the net from Kuznetsova. What's really interesting about her is when she loses mental focus, she loses it completely and struggles to get it back. For a player of her caliber, she allows herself to be derailed far too easily (as if I could even hit one ball with her). Her thighs are exceptional.

Rules violation in the second set. Coaching! Awesome! When is the WTA going to get over the sideline coaching thing? So many coaches are doing it and its an open secret and pretending it isn't going on just makes matters more awkward than they need be.

The second set was more interesting. The play was more consistent until it wasn't. Kuznetsova hit some killer winners when Wozniacki was serving at 5-4.

Do we want to talk about the fact ESPN 2 is spelling Wozniacki's name two different ways, on the screen at the same time? That is awkward too.

Seriously though. Wozniacki's dress. The color is bad. The ruffles are bad. Layers? Really? And you know she has a coach and a trainer and probably a significant other and the attendants in the locker room and all of these people saw Wozniacki don this ugly dress and said nothing about it. Shame on them.

Tie break! I love tie breaks. They stress me out because every point is critical, particularly in a second set. Kuznetsova is still killing it with winners. Wozniacki's going to have to work on her serve if she wants to play with the big girls but the sassy way Woz (I can't type that name a minute longer) walked to her chair after winning the second set, amused me greatly. She has some real spunk when she puts her mind to it.

Third set. Kuz really throws her body into her swings. That's what scares me about her. She's all go, no quit in that regard. She really understands the idea of swinging through the ball. Tangent: When I was taking tennis lessons as a kid (not my choice), I had this jackass coach who always wore these really tight gym teacher shorts and velcro sneakers and he would yell at me from the other end of the court, "SWING THROUGH THE BALL," and I had no idea what he meant by that so I would just haplessly swing my racket about, just trying to make contact and his face would get redder and redder. Therapy helped with that.

This side of the draw is confusing with all the major names out of the tournament. If Kuznetsova falls, anyone can win the bracket. And here she goes, down 0-30 on her own serve. If she didn't have that ace in her arsenal, she would be royally screwed. At 15-30, Woz hit an amazing shot that Kuznetsova could not answer. I love seeing that.

Then of course we see Kuz starting to talk to herself. When she does that, you know it is the beginning of the end. Sports psychologists, take note! A new client is a-callin'.

Now, I'm going to give major props to Woz for that baseline passing shot at Deuce when it was 4-5. Brilliant play. Then Kuz replied right back. They're starting to play well enough I might forget the first two sets.

Sometimes, I listen to the commentators, and think, "I can do that, only I won't say stupid things over and over."

The airball Woz hit at 15 30 when she was up 6 5 was awesome! Kuz tried to wail on it and missed the court completely. Awesome. Then she double faults. And now, deuce. Woz tries to come to net and it was a mess. Kuz had momentum and again she missed the court. She needs a damn sports psychologist in the worst way. Then Woz hits a weak ass second serve right into the net. Sometimes, these girls make my blood pressure rise. Time for more self talk from Kuz. She is pretty rough on herself. Kuz's unforced errors are out of control.

Third set tie-breaks I don't like so much but at least the US Open isn't like the other majors and we don't have to sit here until they get to 19-17 or some abomination like that.

Kuz is having a love affair with sinking her balls into that net. She's also very... vocal. Let's all give Kuz a minute while she takes a seat on the court. My she's flexible. Now Woz is pumped. Let's see if she can FINISH it.

See what I said about that net?



Awesome match. I was rooting for Woz.

Sad Open

Hi everyone! Rowan here. I’m enjoying all the US Open posts, it makes me want to post something too. So cool to see a new contributor! Welcome Roxane!

Paula was right. I am sad that Jelena lost so early. Especially after she won Cincinnati. It’s downright criminal. I’m sad about Leni too. I’m even sad about Safina, poor thing. But that’s what we get for investing so much in tennis. You lives by the watermelon, you dies by the watermelon.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Penetta v. Zvonareva - Holy Crap

RR here -

I have nothing funny/stupid to say - just, here is the real deal. We saw some weird, and some just routine, matches today. But this, this is the real deal. We're watching the end of the second set - Penetta's final hold was an insane game - and now the tiebreak - GAK - what's gonna happen? Every point is just brutal, ball-whacking craziness. Penetta was up, then not, now Zvonareva's got (another) match point. COME ON FLAVIA! Whoa she got a break there - Zvonareva hit a ball long, which she has barely done. She's got another match point on her serve... here it comes... another completely f-ed up battle-ass point and Flavia finally nails it!

Is Zvonareva gonna cry?

Don't get me wrong. I would. We love Z's emotionability. Now Penetta's got a set point... BWA she got it! This is the real deal - blood and guts people. Let's see what the 3rd brings...

Wow. Zvonareva really fell off a cliff. in the 3rd Her knees? Her mind? Who knows. But Penetta hung in there. A let down after that incredible second set. But anyway, there you go. Go Penetta! Bed time for me.

RR out

Everyone Welcome our new Contributor Roxane!

YEAH! Rick Rock, Rowan, and myself all want to welcome Roxane to Must Watch Tennis All The Time!! An avid fan- like the rest of us- she'll offer her own opinions, loves, confusions, irritations, amusements and hates, like we all do here. Freewheeling tennis thoughts, people! That is what is so great about tennis, and life. It brings out our own personalities, even if we are -um- not the actual tennis players.

So- here's my feedback on the two great posts by RR and Roxane. Firstly, I too was uncomfortable during that first set and watching Venus come down on that super wrapped knee. Especially when they slow moed it...OW. (I have tons of gross injuries I will bore you with later). But then, the second set- yeah, Kim made errors- but Venus started moving well. It's as if that ibuprofrin (Advil? (sp?) kicked in. I know, things can hurt, but once that adrenalin and maybe a bit of pain reliever kicks in, all is better for awhile. Kimmy had serious errors, too. Those first two sets were wierd.

And - Roxane. I TOTALLY understand your frustration for not being heard from your couch. I mean, you know what they need to do! And there they are, not listening to you. It hurts. It makes you think- since when did my telepathy stop working?? And then you think, maybe I should switch to Verizon or AT&T? Or Cable??? It's confusing. I know when I sit around mumbling on the couch to the TV, I just assume that those tiny little people inside the TV know I am the boss! Because, for one, I'm bigger than them. I mean, it's not because I've had a few cocktails and am lonely and over-involved with tennis players. It's because they don't listen to me!! If I were a really young attractive Spanish tennis player, I would listen to ME! That's right, me.

THIRD SET. Aaahhh. Just a more normal set. One break? It was a tight, tight match. I'm sad to see Venus, my favorite Williams go out, but I think it was a great great match in its own way. Two things I like about Kimmy- Number One- she has acne. I love how vulnerable that makes her. Her face has large red shiney moutain ranges on it. And also, why try to hide it? You're just gonna sweat that make-up off, right? She seems not to try to hide it. God bless her bad skin. It's like Karlovic's stutter- I love our humanness, our weaknesses, the things that make us fight in whatever little or big way- um, Kimmy's way is big- to get along in this world. And number two- she's goofy and fierce? And a mom? I guess that was like four things. Comebacks are always fun.

And lastly, when Kimmy meets up with Serena? As much as I like Kimmy, Serena, my guess is, will beat the crap out of her. Serena's focus is out of control, not to mention her game.

More soon! Night matches to come!!!

Yours Truly,

Kim Clijsters Defeats Venus Williams

RR here -

WTF? We are a little behind... and just watching the Venus-Clijsters match. Kimmy gets the bagel and it's like, oh wow, look at her. Then Venus bagels back and it's like, what? What is happening here? You people are weird. So far the 3rd set is more like a normal set, closer. Wait Clijsters just got an early break in the 3rd.

P just noted how Kimmy fiercely not looks on the changeovers. like, fiercely stares not at Venus - at nothing in fact. She seems fiercer. Motherhood has made her fiercer? It's possible -she is defending her cub against a predator! In this case, Venus Williams. Who wishes to devour her cub. Because such is the harsh law of nature.

So is this going to be a match or what? P missed the second set washing her face. It was about 9 minutes. Now Kimmy is rolling, perhaps? This is a very weird match.

So yes we are behind, nobody say anything about what happens. Especially you folks on Facebook - please, don't discuss, allude to, indicate, or otherwise reveal in any way the results of matches until at least 72 hours after they are done! This is the Tivo age people!

The 3rd set is more like normal tennis. Rooting for Kim becuase of the comeback thing. I would also like to see Henin come back - it's just always interesting. The last couple of big comebacks have ended not because of tennis, but for other reasons. Davenport seemed to lose interest and decided to have another kid, and Hingis had the coke controversy and was (seemingly) like, "screw you tennis world". So will Kimmy stay with it or?

Wow! Kim won it! Feel bad for Venus, but happy fo Kim. Even she said it was a weird match. It was. Anyway GO KIM!

RR out

PINK is for Winners

The V. Williams, Clijsters match confused me. My spirits were low low low after the first set and the wrap on Venus's knee makes me uncomfortable. She looks like she's in pain. The second set renewed my spirits. Clijster's game collapsed completely. I was sad for her and although Venus was still hobbling, she stepped up her play significantly. To have both players turn in doughnuts made the third set a clean slate t so I was still tense but hopeful.

That unforced error committed by Venus in the first game of the third set was horrible to watch, to have all that open court and to miss the shot so completely was bewildering. And then she did it a second time, right into the net. Her drop shot fails her far too often. She has got to get that situation under control. I was stressed the entire set because I take it all very personally. I tried to coach Venus from my couch but she completely ignored my advice. It was nice to finally see relatively consistent play from both players. While I was rooting for Williams, I am impressed by Clijster's comeback and her play in the first and third sets. That final serve of Clijsters sent a real loud message and that message was, "Come and get me, bitches."

It will be very interesting to see how she fares against Li Na and even though Williams lost, pink is still the color of winners.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Boob Squashing Shirt

Oudin was wearing the exact same shirt that Safina is now. It mooshes their boobs so far down, you feel like they have the boobs of a 12 year old. It's a bit disconserting. Also, it makes me think of the former great Champion, Henin!!! NO ONE- I repeat- NO ONE- mooshed their boobs like she did.

Also, I dig this, as a shitty athlete, and if I were a better than shitty athlete, I too would want my boobs super mooshed down. Serena, whose boobs are unmooshable, does her best by wearing what looks like hospital worthy support straps, as if her boobs were crippled.

Yeah Boob talk! Boobs and TENNIS!! WOOHOO!

(PS- I hope Safina wins this match).

Yours truly,

Oudin DEFEATS Sharapova WHOAA- this is an update

I am really tired because I drank too much tequila last night while watching the super hot Nadal beat that German asshat, Kiefer. I've been half assedly watching Federer and Djokovic struggle in their matches. In fact, I did not press pause while I went to eat fried pork chops, broccoli, fantastic super fresh corn on the cob bought straight from a farm in Deposit, NY and garlic bread. Aaaaah. Now I am back to tennis. Oudin and Sharapova are in the first set. The flipping match was playing on the television at the Binghamton Tennis Center while I played there today. (Beat RR in three- it was 7/6, 3/6, 6/3). When I went to use the bathroom, I did a tiny little run thing and told the girl at the desk " not watching, lalala, taping it at home" and put my hands over my ears. Now, I know she thinks I'm weird- but do I care? I do not.

Then I made the mistake of checking in on facebook. NOOOO! Murphy Jensen is my facebook friend, and he had posted something about this Oudin/Maria match..but I feel it was cryptic and/or am lying to myself and am pretending or don't actually know what happens with these ladies. Anyway, I hope I don't fall asleep before it's over. I love tennis. I drank too much and wore a nicotine patch for the first time in my life yesterday and today--well, I feel tired to say the least.

OK, Oudin's feet and shoes. Firstly, her feet are enormous. Like, a size 10? Are her feet as big as Alexa Glatch's? (Hmmm. NO.) I feel if you were to put her feet length wise in comparison to her body, they'd be up to her knees. Just a thought. Also, her shoes? They turn up at the toes like wacky Moroccan sandals worn by genies and those guys who fly around on flying carpets or like Dutch wooden shoes with those pointy upward toes thingies (Man, I sooo had a pair of those! Wooden, with little flowers painted on them! Fuck, they were uncomfortable!) Also, did any of you see that EXCELLENT King Of The Hill, where Peggy, with her size 12 feet, gets conned into doing gross big feet things for a foot fetish/ gross out webcast where her big feet smash eggs and crap? It's a brilliant episode- I highly recommend it--and Oudin's feet made me think of that episode. Also, people want to make fun her feet? She can go-- "Fuck You! I'll kick your ass at tennis, BITCH!"And that concludes my pondering Oudin's feet.

YEAHHH! I was really into Melanie winning that match!! Shit yeah! Hellz yeah! And so on. Also, I want Maria's dress. Might have to buy it.

Soon- more! Maybe more from RR.

Yours Truly,

Friday, September 4, 2009

Hi Nadal, Please Win the US Open?

RR here -

Hi Nadal, please win the US Open? Could ya? Why do I care? Not sure, but nevertheless, I would be glad. Sports is weird like that. Certainly, don't lose to this Kiefer dude. If it were Anselm Keifer, at least he's like cultural with his like painting about our times and all, but this guy? No.

Oh Pammy is talking to Vilas - we saw him at his club in BA.... P is getting all fuzzy about him...

So come on Rafa - win this shit! It would be nice. Good for the game, etc. Fed and Rafa get the career slam in the same year? That would be worth a mention on Sportscenter. Regular non-tennis geek people would maybe talk about that? And, if Fed regained #1 status, and Rafa regained #2 status in the same year, that would be some super-esoteric stat for future generations to contemplate?

By the way, Patrick and John commentating together, is pretty funny. 5 seconds in, they were at each other's throats, in a brotherly way.

I keep calling Rafa "Waffleberry" in my mind, or sometimes out loud - because that is my nickname for our kitten, whose real name is "Rafa", but who I call "Wafleberry". I don't know why.


RR out - cheers.

Dent defeats Navarro

Holy Crap!
Best match.
Two guys who look alike! They both look like Damain, the son of Satan. Waiting to hear Dent say something nice about Navarro. They look alike! They both do this serve volley thing! That's cool . You are thanking the crowd, now thank your opponent.

I think Dent is not drunk all the time anymore. He's cute. He used to lose matches after wins cause of "stomach problems" slash hangovers. "Food poisoning". Also, he is grateful cause he did have real injuries. I mean no mean spiritedness to call him a drinker. I like him. I just wish he'd given his Spanish twin, Navarro, a little more love.

Yours Truly,

Murray versus Capdeville

This match is interesting- and it may not remain so, when Murray starts putting the hot womp on skinny little Paul--because we saw Capdeville play- and win- The Binghamton Challenger recently! We love the Binghamton Challenger. Guccione, the Aussie was there (I think). Carston Ball. Um, lots of cool players have been there- the American Ryan Sweeting. Baghdatis showed up this year but then did not play! He's not here at the US Open, either. Poor guy. Anyway, Capdeville is a Chilean, which is the only country in all of South America which I don't get all swooney over. I am sure the country itself is gorgeous- I plan on horsebacking riding through its mountains someday-- but the male tennis players from Chile are all a but "eh". Like, Massu? He didn't sign my kids' balls at the Canada Open! He was arrogant and rude. I don't like him. And even though Fernando Gonzalez is really hot- I'd cuddle him if you know, he asked-- he has a deserved reputation of being a dick. He does that glare at you over the net, all slow and long, with his fist in the air. I've seen him do that on the backcourts in Canada. He reminds me a bit of Kiefer, personality wise.

So, Capdeville- funny last name for a Chilean, huh? (Massu is Hungarian. Nalbandian, the beloved Argentine, is part Armenian..South America is quite diverse, ethnically.) Capdeville is smaller looking than my thirteen year old. He looks quit South American, despite his last name. He has sort of bucked teeth, which I like. (I like bad teeth, um, for the most part. There are exceptions). But, like his fellow countrymen/tennis players, he exudes some dickishness. I remember years ago watching him play Ancic on TV- I forget the tournament-- and the two actually got into a pushing match! That never happens in tennis. Also, Ancic? He's three times the size of Capdeville! It was sort of funny.

OK. I'm going to drink a margarita now. More soon!

Yours Truly,

Serena Williams defeats Martinez Sanchez

Well, this hasn't happened yet, but it will, is my guess. It is 5 all in the second set and Martinez Sanchez is serve and volleying! It's sort of fun. But that whole "she cheated" thing about thier match at the French makes me uncomfortable. They showed it in slow motion and it did indeed look as if she did get hit and didn't say anything. And so, I mean, yuck. I really love Spaniards and I love how she's serve and volleying but I can't get behind a cheater. Like when Gonzo did that in a match against Blake. Anyway, this is a fun, long game. Five deuces? More? Loving it.

Whoa, Martinez Sanchez looks tired. That said, the point before this? She did what everyone tells me not to do!!! She stepped back- at the net- and hit a solid forehand. Do you know that EVERYONE tells me to ONLY go foreward. But, the rules are different for professional players. Like, they are so good, they can do whatever they want! I have to listen to my frustrated pros. (Frustrated because I'm retarded and suck at tennis.)

Yours Truly,

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Shvedova Defeats Jankovic

WTF???!!! First Leni goes down and now JJ??!!!! It hasn't happened yet, but it looks like it might. Third set tiebreak is just started. I just had an hour long tennis nap, which I wrote about extensively here once. I would say that after actually watching tennis, my favorite thing to do is to fall asleep in front of the TV whilst tennis plays. Man, that felt good. I stayed up way too late last night, like I very often do.

I just had the thought that JJ has amazing footwork. This is a fun match! I love JJ, although not as much as Rowan, who wrote a really great thing about her here. (I love that I know how to imbed links! It makes me feel so professional!)

Oh, the mini-break here at the business end of the tie-break. I would say that both these ladies deserve to win! Whoever does win, it'll be by a split hair, or some other metaphor like that. But, rumor has it, ties don't happen in tennis.

Match point!! I like Shvedova's sunglasses and headband look. It's so retro or something. OH MAN! An ace to end it! Wow. Something smells funny. I don't know if it's my old cat or my son. Hm.

I have to say, I am not happy about JJ going out. Sorry Rowan! You must be even sadder than me.

Melanie Oudin defeats Elena Dementieva

Oudin fist pumps A LOT. It sort of bugs me. It shouldn't, but it does. I like a fist pump here and there, especially on big points. But for every point? Anyway, she really wants to beat the house favorite, Leni. I like her spirit as a general thing. But we here love Leni. We are Leni lovers. I also like Maxim Afinogenov, Leni's boyfriend.

Oh no, Melanie is cramping badly! That I don't like to see. She's insanely fit, so I don't think it's a fitness thing. Stress? Man, tennis is so mental. And she's up a break here in the third! Hm. Good match. Which is good, because last night's matches bored me to tears. OK, the break back and then the break again.

I will make the observation that I often do- these ladies are good a tennis. I will add this which may sound mean - Leni is much more attractive than Oudin. But Oudin is beating her! Just goes to show, even if you are insanely gorgeous, you can lose at tennis. Like Ana losing the other evening.

I do find it exciting in some way that an American player who is not a Williams sister playing well even though I am the least patriotic person on the planet in most ways, as in I love Spanish men. And Oudin is young, which is always exciting.

OK, it's 5/2 here. Let's see what happens.

Also, FYI- Rick Rock is 201 in the ATP raquet bracket thingy at the tennis channel website. I am 421, I think.

Um, I just screamed "Come on Leni, break her!" I will be so sad if Leni is out. Match points. One saved. I feel wierd. I need to eat something. Second match point saved. Does anyone have advice on how to quit smoking? She did it! Wow. Stunning. Not as stunning as Vania King beating Stosur, but more upsetting here as we worship Leni. Wah.

Yours Truly,

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Czink vs. Serena - plus random observations from a couple of nights at the Open

RR here -

I have a theory that "Czink" is pronounced "Chink", not "Sink" like they are saying, but they don't want to say "Chink". That's my theory! But, I do not speak Hungarian, so I really can't prove it. Why do I even think that? Am I just trying to cause trouble? I don't know.

This match is not looking so promising...

So anyway, we were out there at the Open Monday night, together, and I was there last night. BWA! My Belorussian friend Yev went the last THREE nights so I don't feel so bad. Monday we saw Danny Hanny play Megan Shaugnessy at Louis Armstrong. Dude, there was no one there, and we rolled up nice and close. Wait did P already blog about this? Anyway, I was in heaven. Prior we got a peek at Sybille Bammer on a back court. Wow. Big, strong lady. One of her thighs is like both of mine put together. She lost to a Spaniard with skinnier thighs. Thighs alone do not decide the match, despite what Johnny Mac says.

Then we saw the night matches - we were WAYY up in the bleachers at Arther Ashe, which was weirdly exhilarating... I felt weird in a good way up there. Word of advice - hot dogs only - do NOT eat the Mexican food. Bad, bad situation.

Last night I was in a fancy corporate box, with my friend Dan. That was after seeing Ivanovic through set 1 and up a break in set 2, at Louis Armstrong, again way up close because no one was there? The reason she lost, is because Dan left at that point, and she was heartbroken - that's what Dan said anyway.

Poor Chink - she is getting steamrolled. We are going twice next week too...

RR out

Vania King defeats Samantha Stosur???

Um, what? I find this incomprehensible. Was the American crowd nasty to Stosur? Did Stosur have a serious illness, like diarreah or cancer? I am flabber gasted. I wanted Stosur to go deep. I say "go deep" because I think she has special lesbian powers that involve going deep (see deep lesbian power post). Anyway, that's sad she lost.

On a positive note, Pennetta KICKED ass! Woohoo! I love her, even if she is no longer with Moya. The fact that she ever had sex with Moya makes her shrine worthy. Like, I would like to touch her arm, since he touched her, you know? I might try next time I see her. Also, KIMMY won!!!!!! I love Kimmy.

Yours Truly,

Gasquet French Kissed a Girl Seven Times and She Had Cocaine on Her Tongue???

Or something like that. Of course, my predominant reaction to this bit of news was-- he kissed HER?? What was her name again? Why not MEEEE!!!!???? I got really jealous. Like, all red in the face and heart pumping. Then I got excited just thinking about Gasquet kissing someone. Thinking about it made me all...desperate for love.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sharapova and Mary Carillo on Prime Time

Rick Rock is there. I am home and watching this on TV. I just saw a little snippet of Carillo talking--it's early! Early in the night. But I feel that Carillo may already be drunk and ornery. Just wondering. It's early yet.

Also, anyone remember Pironkova beating Venus Williams at the French a few years ago? She's no joke. This could be a good match.

Yours Truly,

Safina Beats Rogowska

Well, that was fun but stressful to watch. I will say that I agree ONE HUNDRED percent with Brad Gilbert about Safina's coach. He's just too negative. And I said it to Rick Rock and I'll write it here and Beeg (as we call him) said it too- that it worked for Safina for awhile- the whole tough love thing--and she greatly improved her ranking and play and fitness. But now, she needs more kindness and encouragement. Did you all hear her thank the encouraging audience? Notice how she didn't thank her frowning, grumpy coach? Enough. I'm glad he was tough on her to get her to where she is, now he needs to pump his fist and LOVE her. I feel like I know Safina. She just needs some love! She's so cute with her pink teddy bear sweatshirts and her wide, open, genuine smile (as opposed to some calculated media tooth showing). Give her some love, man!

Also, congratulations to the very exciting Aussie player, Olivia Rogowska, for playing so tough and fighting so hard. My Australian friends who I met at Total Tennis and who now are enjoying lovely weather for the US Open (it's been so nice out, instead of gross and hot like it is sometimes is in August in NYC) hopefully caught their country-mate displaying her fine talent and grit.

Yours Truly,