Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Monday, September 13, 2010

Nadal v. Djokovic

Finally, the final. I'm hanging out on Tennis X, being alarmed by the rudeness and the stupidity, but also, enjoying the nice people and the non-idiots. I'm drinking a martini and vaping, which is not nearly as fun as smoking.

I was happy Nole took the second set. I want this to be a real match and so far, well, at least it will at least be a four setter.

I want to thank all my readers for coming by this US Open. I got 800 hits this US Open, and that's a lot for a blog that pretends to be about tennis, is about tennis sort of, but goes off on sex and drinking and Mars and cat pee and stuff a lot. So, big thanks for reading people.

This is a passionate match. I'd be happy of either one wins- and I think one of them will-and I'll be sad for the loser.

They just showed Nole's box and his mom was gone- must be at the ladies room. Rick Rock said they should let her pee in a cup. I'm in agreement.

Set four is ending. I would love for Nole to get out of the hole he's in- I'd like to stay up later and drink more. Oh wait, I can do that anyway. I guess- I mean- I would like to drink whilst watching tennis, not a Law and Order rerun.

Wow- what a great final. What great players. No Mars jokes. Just- love these players. Nadal earned that win and I hope Nole gets another Grand Slam soon.

Yours Truly,

Saturday, September 11, 2010

US Open 2010 Ladies' Final: Kimmy Wrastles Vera Down, Teaches Her

RR here -

Kimmy is the Boss. She gave Vera nothing, wrassled her down, pinned her, Vera tried to struggle but Kimmy was too strong, nothing worked. Eventually , after some pretty good (but not great) Vera histrionics, smash the rackets, flank-smacking, horrifying Russian curses (which really do work by the way), Vera submits, giving in to Kimmy's relentless onslaught, surrendering her womanhood to Kimmy. Gives in completely, utterly spent, ravished by Kimmy's punishing, rock-hard tennis prowess.

Mary Carrillo tried hard to be her usual dickish self, but actually Vera miraculously composed herself and Kimmy is the nicest person on the planet (also probably nicer than most people on Mars), so it didn't really take. She didn't have anything much to work with. She did try though, suggesting the "moment" was too much for Vera. Truthfully, Kimmy was just extremely tough.

By the way, Mars!

So there you have it people - the Ladies' final. Kimmy rules, everyone else drools. Watch for lots more players to quit and have babies, looking for that competitive edge. and marry people from New Jersey. And be Flemish. And, and, do the splits a lot. And, win lots of tennis games. Oh wait they are already trying to do that. Serena starts dating The Situation? Sam Stosur has triplets? We shall see...

RR out

Hanging Out at Tennis X, I Discover There Are Robots Amongst Us

Yes, it is true. There are robots among us, people who look like people but are actually robots built by Martians and then smuggled down to earth in a rad spaceship that maybe was invisible to the human eye and then- like, the Martians dropped off their elaborately and specifically wired robots to run loose in the world and then, like, got back on their invisible spaceship and returned to Mars, and like, that is why we didn't see the Martians.

Also, this Nole Fed match is pretty awesome. A real match. Sort of rooting for Nole, although I dig Federer.

Anyway, one such robot built by the Martians goes by the name of "Zinaldo". Now, I am pretty sure back on Mars, when they built "Zinaldo" his/her real name, her Martian robot name, was Zshreebutnkzzzz, or something like that. Anyway, I think these robots were built because Martians are trying to take over the Earth (despite them letting us use their planet for things like body mooshing) and think they can do so by dropping these inconspicous robots around the planet, robots that have different ways of- trying to take over the earth. So "Zinaldo" (really Zshreebutnkzzz) was specially designed to annoy people sooooo badly, that like, smoke starts blowing out of their ears and then they explode and die, or maybe they explode and their human energy flies upward to space and is sucked over to Mars so not only are the robots killing off the human race, but they ensure that our energy is theirs for their use. Like maybe, they use our energy to power their bedside lamps. Not sure. But I am pretty sure "Zinaldo" is the robot of annoyance and that it is part of a Martian conspiracy, I'm just not sure about the bedside lamps.

Anyway, you can see for yourself by clicking here and going over to Tennis X and scrolling down and reading "Zinaldo's" comments. And then you can decide if I'm right or not. I think you will find my theory pretty believable. Other people comment and say things like "shut your mouth, Zinaldo", or "Shut up Zinaldo", but I think we really need to take a real hard look at what could ACTUALLY being going on with "Zinaldo".

This third set is fantastic, between Nole and the Fed.

Wow, and this fourth set- I missed some of it to take a shower- but- I love it. I like seesawing sets- very exciting. I also like seesaws, because they are fun. Up and down, up and down. Wheeee!

Wow. A FIFTH IS ON THE WAY! Five setters rock.

Yours Truly,

Facebook Chatting About Vera and Youzhny


this match is boring me

the kimmy match was great


i think want zvonereva to win


I don't think she can

But it would be a great upset- I like Vera

I like Kimmy too- but she's won it twice


she's all emotional and crazy


Vera is on new meds I think, less crazy

like me

maybe klonopin, like me


yes that's a turn-on...part of why i lke her

but i also like kimmy


It's fun

kimmy is sweet, vera is all crazy - the self flagallating lest year was rad

I also think she's not gay

you can just imagine having to pin her down and control her

she's sexy crazy


yes excatly




she needs to be controlled




and to be taught


it would be fun for a dude to wrestle her down-

the sense of struggle and then



yes..would be a real struggle


this all has to go on my blog

2:32pmRon belongs there


I want Youz to break here

Did you read about my little conversation with youz in the elevator?




oh wait - did I get the score wrong? i did

I'm out of it



he did break

last game


my brain is mush

I chatted up youz in the elevator in toronto

I find him attractive



he's going to win the touramnet


i would like that

I like Nole to win too- but not sure- Fed is playing really well

goddamn- poor youz

he might need some consoling

I could console him after his loss

like, pretty much let him do whatever he wants

maybe he'll be all angry and need to take out his aggression




or maybe he'll be sad and need to be stroked gently and consoled like that-- brought back to life from his sadness


he knew he never had a chance

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Nadal .v. Verdasco US Open 2010 - Ladies Love Cool Fernando

Hey - it's RR here again -

Help me People! P is not blogging. Why? She has been hanging out on Tennis-X and commenting a lot, and it's sapping her creative juices! They are sapping her creative juices and turning them into creative syrup, to pour on their own pancakes, by boiling them and adding sugar!!! It's terrible. I feel the crushing burden of having to blog, all on my own... carrying a giant, crushing weight, like I was pushing a giant stone Blog up a hill, only to have it roll down and have to do it again, day in, day out...

I'm trying to make her feel bad - can you tell? Mind you, she is having a lot of fun on Tennis-X...

HEY! We were there! Last night, for Woz-Cibulkova and then Federer-Soderling. First time I saw Fed live. He was like a god. And I am not a generally drooling Fed fan. But even from er like 100 rows up, he just had this aura. Soderling, a big strong fella and great player, did not have that aura.

It was pretty much womp, womp. Anyway we had fun. Good company. $300 spent on sweaters because it was freezing! I was a little surprised that Soderling went down so easy. I had high hopes. Anyway, despite 2 straight set matches it was still 1 AM when we got home...

Tonight we are watching Nadal-Verdasco. Had tickets but, too tired! Also, 9AM meeting tomorrow. Sigh.

P says they call Verdasco "hot sauce" on Tennis-X. She is trying to get them to adopt "Ladies' Choice". I suggested "LL Cool F".

By the way, we bought Cheesewad a shirt in Toronto, and it turns out to be Nadal's nighttime shirt! Cool!

Rockytoad and I got to see Nadal and Gonzo almost COURTSIDE last year - incidentally with tickets from the same folks we skipped out on tonight. But tonight, the seats were high in the bleachers. By the way, it's still fun up there...

Anyway, enough for now. So far Verdasco is punching through the considerable wind better than Nadal. I am kinda surprised. I thought spin was good in the wind? Who knows. Oh wait just noticed they are back on serve! More later... my hard-earned cash is on Rafa, what can I say.

RR out - for now.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Leni, Stosur, and Yahoo Answers!

RR Here -

P is not blogging. I apologize to our readers - I tell her that her readers need her. I am trying. She is hanging out on Tennis X too much and it's sapping her.... blog juice? I tell her to just blog what she is commenting... whatever. Trying.

Leni and Stosur. Martina is such a pleasure. Even Tracey is not bugging me too much. Maybe she read my post from yesterday and is trying to mellow out? Not be such a scary beotch? On reflection, I think that is definitely the case. Trace, if you read this, you're on the right track to rejoining the human race. Keep it up. Humanizing.

Tonight, we took a little break from watching tennis, actually while watching tennis but like break in what we were actually thinking and talking about, and hung out on Yahoo! Answers. It's like the new Amazon Reviews! Some of the questions we looked into were, "Andy Capp Hot Fries - Yuck or Yum?" In fact that was the one that got us there - P has a thing for Hot Fries. But then, that led us to other fascinating questions, like, "do u like chicken? and do u like ham?" That was what I called a "bong-hit question" - whoever asked that (I think his name was... Austin? I forget) did a giant bong hit and then typed that question in. Also, "could you die from eating a whole octopus?" That question is unresolved.

That all had nothing to do with tennis. Except that, when you watch a ton of tennis, you need to have a little downtime or multitask a little or something.

Leni is playing kind of awesome -just won the second set - but her new serve motion, it's like the serve of a retard. Not that it isn't working - and not that I don't sometimes do something similar - like when all hell is breaking loose on the serve and you try to do as little as possible - but it looks... retarded. But we love Leni and are pulling for her. Love Stosur too - but gotta pull for Leni. COME ON!

Back to the match - no more hanging out on Yahoo Answers... life is too short. But I laughed so hard tears shot out of my eyes and splattered on the computer screen...

RR out

Mardy Fish Talks About His Diet in This Video

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Djokovic vs. Blake: Butt Battle! And, Tracey Austin Torn Apart by Wild Dogs

It's Djokovic and Blake, and man, these guys have giant asses.

Blake's is immediately evident. It fills up half the TV screen. We are in the country, where our TV is smaller, but I don't think that makes a difference. I think on our big TV it would be even bigger! Ginormous butt, a tennis-engine butt machine shooshing him around the court.

Djokovic, today it is not quite as overwhelmingly evident on the TV - but P tells me that in person playing doubles in Canada, his butt was like a giant shelf you could put your things on - keys, wallet, the mail, a few chotchkys, a picture of your mum, etc. And, bent over and waiting for the return, he held it still, so the things would not fall off if you put them there, not like Clijsters, who wags her rear around whilst waiting to return.

Tennis is a Metaphor for Life (aka Must Watch Tennis all The Time) has produced brave reporting on tennis players' asses before - read more here.

Butts, butts, butts.

Anyway, in other news, whenever we've been watching the Tennis channel, we've indulged in detailed fantasies about horrible, violent things happening to Tracey Austin. In one version, one of the camera men dropped his camera, so it was like lying on the ground showing a sideways shot, and he ran after Tracey screaming "Shut the fuck up, you idiot, I've been listening to your stupid shit all day and I can't take it any more!" Blood splatters around the room, and Tracey's face falls to the ground in front of the abandoned camera, THUNK! Then in the background you see the camera man being led away by cops, weeping quietly and mumbling, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't stand it", and the cops saying, "we understand, we'll talk to the DA, should be Man 1" (a little Law and Order creeping in here - sometimes we take breaks from tennis and watch Laws and Orders).

In another version, we got really irritated with Jim Courier on CBS today, so we started to imagine Tracey and Jim in an all-out, no holds barred jailhouse blood quest death battle. Jim is talking, saying something like "Monfills should really try to play tennis better" when Tracey, motivated by who know what evil voices in her twisted, otherwise empty head, creeps up behind, picks up a heavy mike boom and WHAM! Smacks Jim in the back of the head. Blood sprays everywhere - onto the camera lens, like, in front of the players on the court (maybe that's not realistic but... it's fantasy!). But Jim is still a fit guy, and he doesn't go down easy - he grabs the complimentary pen provided for commentators to write notes like "these players are not as good as ME" on the complimentary note pads during the commercial breaks, and, even as he slumps to the ground, swings round and jabs the pen straight into Tracey's pulsating jugular vein. Blood gushes out as Tracey makes a bitchy face and says "Jim, that's all you got? You always were a pussy" - meanwhile the color drains out of her face as her life essence sprays out all over the horrified camera crew and poor Ted Robinson, who is scowling at the unprofessionalism of his pathetic actual-tennis-player colleagues. She collapses to the floor, on the way down, grabbing a heavy paper weight and bringing it down on Jim's head, splattering new waves of blood everywhere, even as he, with his last breath, snags a steak knife off the remains of the lunch spread and juts it up into Tracey's bony ribcage as she collapses down onto him, provoking new giant spurts of blood and gore.

Anyway you get the idea -not too fond of Tracey and Jim. Jimmy (Connors) and Martina on the other hand are kind of cute together.

Going - RR out

Friday, September 3, 2010

Taco Night - Mandy Minella, Dustin Brown - All The Beautiful Young People at the US Open

RR Here -

We've really been enjoying our Open but I have been scared to blog ever since P rocked the "body mooshing" post, because it was so awesome.

But life goes on so here I go. Mandy Minella is kind of hot. So I looked her up - she's from Luxembourg?? I thought she'd be from like Staten Island, or the Bronx?!? Mandy Minella? Well who knows. Maybe she moved to Luxembourg from Staten Island. I would. Not that I have anything against Staten Island - I like Staten Island. But Luxembourg is like a magic island of rich people, so who wouldn't want to be there. Oops she just lost -but great run. Qualifiers are always cute and inspiring.

Serena looks really hot. She looks pretty different. Pam is talking about it right now. I mean, she does look smoking. But different - the hair? Not sure. Can't figure it out. Anyway it's not just me, Pam said it too.

Anyway my post - Mandy Minella, Dustin Brown, that French kid that played Verdasco... who are these people? They are really good at tennis. We had a awesome time in Toronto at the Rogers because from day one, there are great matches going on, but the slams are fun for the random people you have never heard of who qualify, and once in a while make a run. And even though they are who? they are all really awesome at tennis!

Night matches at the US are fun. We have tickets for next Thursday. It's best when it gets really late and everyone is drunk and lots of people leave and you get to scootch up close and people are being all wild and weird. I liked that Djokovic talked about his weiner for example, because something about the US Open, people seem to kind of get a little wild. Like that time someone got shot when it was at Forest Hills? Maybe too much. But still, tennis' Altamont moment, and it happened in New York. YEAH!

RR out

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hanging out on Tennis X Today

I've been posting little comments on Tennis X(click here to go to Tennis X) and not blogging here like I usually do. I find lots of the comments enjoyable and interesting and whatnot. And I do love the official posts by the people who work there, you know, the writers there. Occasionally though, I find some of the comments...alarming. I mean, who gets so enraged about other people's ideas on tennis? It's sort of scary. Really angry people scare me. Anyway, I'm reposting my "I want peace" post here below. I hope to post more much later, as I'm taping the tennis and will be watching it late at night tonight.

"Here’s what we can do to make world peace on Tennis X regarding Andrew Roddick, the tennis player. For one, from the Buddhist religion and like, Christianity and stuff, we could explore the idea that even though God made us all different, we are all, deep inside our bodies and souls, all the same and all God’s children and like, even if some of us like Roddick and some of us don’t, we’re all flesh and blood and like, mortal. Then we can do that thing “agree to disagree” really politely, like the possible presidents did when they were trying to become president. It was so cool how polite they were too each other, even though, they, like disagreed on world peace and Iraq and money and healthcare and stuff. They shook hands and smiled. Very cool. Then, we can even do that really cool thing, like just be all accepting and stuff. I don’t know. I do get angry sometimes. But mostly about things like death and rape and war and littering. But tennis? Not sure I’ve ever gotten angry about tennis. Or other people’s feelings about tennis. I do have feelings about tennis. I mostly feel excited and aroused and sad and happy and frustrated. But angry at other tennis fans? Or - I don’t know, really angry about anything tennis related? Hm.

Anyway- WORLD PEACE WORLD PEACE! Aw, I just got all happy.

Maria is playing this chick we refer to as “Bendoversova” as she gives off some serious trampy vibe. This is not a bad thing, just noticeable."

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Tipsarevic v. Roddick

Let's talk about how nuts Tipsarevic is. In Toronto, I was very excited to watch him play up close and personal because he's a true eccentric. A tattoo quoting Doestoyevsky in Japanese writing? Lots of tatts in general? Shabby looking hair and those glasses! Gosh, I bet he's a fun person with whome to pound vodka. He walks real strangely. His facial hair is all wrong. Gosh, I like him. He's sort of like me, but better at tennis. And I don't have his facial hair or tatts or wear glasses, but I am - all wrong. He reminds me of some seventies rock musician, noodling along on his guitar whilst singing deep thoughts about the universe. But I was courtside when he messed up his ankle and fell to the ground and so forth in Toronto. So I didn't get to see much of him at all.

I'm sipping a bourbon and vaping, even though I happen to know I have some cigarettes hidden in the house. Vaping is good, but not as good as smoking, even if it is actually BETTER, like, for my health, it just doesn't have the same- how to say it- way of filling my lungs up with tar and carbon monoxide that smoking does.

Mardy Fish is Anorexic

I've been watching tennis. Also, I've been napping a lot while watching tennis. Also, I've been chatting with some men I love while watching tennis, which is to say, I haven't been paying the greatest attention to the tennis. But that's OK. It's non stop tennis all day and night and so- I can't always be totally focussed and it's not as if I'm the guard man at some military base and the enemies are hiding in the bushes everywhere and so I really need to be alert or something because otherwise my comrades would die. If that were the case, I'd take speed. But it's not the case, so instead I sit around, eating egg sandwiches during the day, occasionally dosing off, and then I drink a bunch of iced tea and later I drink white wine and chain smoke and the whole time, tennis goes on and on, on my TV and also in real life, like, nearby, in Queens. By the way? It's hot as fuck out there. I feel sorry for the players. I mean, it's brutal and gross out there.

Here are some thoughts on the tennis, regardless of my not so vigilant watching.

David Nalbandian had to go to five, but- he won! I love him with all my heart. Sometimes, when he wins tournaments, which is not nearly as often as he should, I cry. I find him moving. In an alternate universe, we are soul mates.

Anyway, I like Martina's commentary even if she's sort of emotion free. At least she's not an idiot. She's just- well- aspergersy. I find it sort of charming. I have a soft spot for people with Aspergers. Also, I was looking at her- she's so strong and fit- and I thought, strangely, is she on tranquilizers? And then I realized, she just works out all the goddamn time which makes people very mellow. I'm much mellower if I work out a lot. Sigh.

Oh- now everyone is talking about how great Mardy Fish is doing and how much weight he lost and so forth- but, Dude? He looks horrible! He looks like that character Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force when the parasites eat his insides and he gets all skinny. Do you remember that episode? OK, I just found the transcript online. Click here. It was the South Bronx Parasite Diet episode. Anyway, I think Mardy Fish is anorexic. As in, probably had people shove tubes up his bottom- I think they call it colon therapy- and had his intestines vacuumed out. And then, like, only ate carrots until his hands turned orange (my sister did that once, she's crazy) and like, took lots of laxatives and drank wierd juices non stop. I mean, that is how he looks to me. He looks like he's in his fifties, too, and I happen to know he is not. So here is what I have to say- WE SHOULD STAGE AN INTERVENTION FOR MARDY. Right? Are you with me people? Shove some hamburgers down him. Like, tackle him and sit on his chest and shove hamburgers down him. Sheesh. I'll need some help with this plan, so, I'll be looking for volunteers to help me. Mardy needs us, people. Soon he'll disappear altogether if we don't help him. Juliana Hatfield has a song about her struggles with anorexia called "I'm Disappearing" on her new record, Peace and Love. It's a sad song. It's sad to not eat. I, eat. A lot. I'm the opposite of my sister, I suffer from gluttony, instead of anorexia. Hm, maybe if Mardy and I, like, in an alternate universe or on the planet Mars, mooshed our bodies and minds together and like, became one mooshed together person and then, like, later split into two different people again, but with part of my gluttony combined with part of his anorexia each split into the different people (but he would still have his boy parts and I would still have my girl parts, that wouldn't get all martiany split up) then- we'd be -- better! He'd be less gaunt and old seeming and like, bony, and I'd be less inclined to eat large quantities of oysters, steaks, hot dogs, hamburgers and so on. And life would be better for both of us. Thanks to the greatness of Mars and the way things are different there and you can do things like body mooshing.

Poor Azarenka. They just wheel chaired her out. She looked like hell. And you know, it's not just fitness! I do think fitness helps one deal with heat, but some people just are built differently, and some of the people- Azarenka is one of them and Djokovic is another-get ILL from heat. It's awful to watch. And its not fitness. It's genetic. It's 104 degrees on the court.

Ok. More soon.

Yours Truly,

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Rogers Cup Pix - and Forgive Me I Drove 350 Miles Today

RR Here -

Here come some pictures from our last day at the Rogers Cup - yesterday. The commentary is gonna be a little thin and spacey - long drive home. Fried. Vodka. Fried vodka? Mmm... that would be good.

For starters, here's Murray, on a practice court. The little guys got his autograph. He's nicened up since the days when he cursed out ball kids in Binghamton... BTW that's his doubles partner
being ignored whilst like, kneeling at his feet. Prince Andy. Actually he was very nice with the signing etc.

This next one is Youzhny - as noted, P and the little guys rode with him in the elevator, and he was at this sort of hidey t
able at breakfast. I like Youzhny. I use his racket, because of him, and Gasquet.
Here he is winding up his forehand, but it's his beautiful one-hand backhand that I like. This is from the match he lost, but we later figured out he's still in the doubles. Go Youzhny!

And this is of course David, whilst crushing Tommy Robredo. We just saw him crush Soderling in the 3rd as well. YEAH! BTW Cheesewad took all these shots. We are going to get him a better cam
era for his next birthday - he's good!

Next up is Max Mirnyi. We didn't even know he was still around?? He looks fierce here, but really he was really nice. Also, huge and really impressive. He was practicing with someone (his coach?), and he'd serve, and his coach wouldn't even try to return it, just feed a fake return, because, his serve is like a giant thunderbolt from heaven. (We just watched "Clash of the Titans"). Also, I have a bunch of Belarusan buddies these days, so - check it out Max Mirnyi!

Last of all, the ladies' choice - Fernando Verdasco. I always think, "Fernandoo", as some French lady called him the first time I went to Toronto. This was from the Chardy match P has already blogged on. He hung tough and won that first set, and we had to go. I am surprised he lost, he looked like the big guy beating up on skinny-ass Chardy. Tennis is weird, and that's why it's fun. Who the hell knows? Anyway, Fernando is still the ladies choice.
All right, I'm done. One more vodka, and lights out.

RR out

Day Three, Rogers Cup 2010, And the Last Morning in the Hotel

We just had our fourth and final breakfast at the hotel. Youzhny sat behind us, in a little corner, trying to hide out. I did not bother him, although last night when we- the boys and I- rode the elevator up with him, I said, "I'm sorry about your loss today, I was rooting for you" and he said, "that's OK". Then I said, "You'll win next time", and he said, "Maybe". Then it was his floor, and he sort of semi smiled and said, "bye" and I said "bye" very quietly and sort of coyish. Youshny is a big, strong, handsome- also just CUTE- Russian player. He had a lovely Russian accent. He's taller than me. And strong. He lost to this Ukrainian guy, Dolgopolov, who had the misfortune of wearing a headband and tying his hair back into a bun and Rockytoad in particular did not like it. Youzhny has a flat top. Anyway, I felt badly for Youzhny, because he won the first set 6/1 and we watched him lose a tight second set in a tiebreak. Sigh. Tennis. Life. Losses. I did find out Youzhny won his doubles, so that is great.

Also at breakfast this morning was Victor Hanescu and his hitting partner or whatever you want to call him- how bout, some big strong HOT dark haired Romanian friend of Hanescu, who I had the great pleasure of riding the elevator with yesterday. Hanescu is at least 6'4 and incredibly strong and - much cuter in real life than on TV as is often- but not always -- the case. Sam Querry- a sort of giantesqe man, who lost his match against Kevin Anderson yesterday--was also at breakfast. I do not find him attractive in the least. And lastly, and perhaps most funly, Verdasco's mom and dad came into the restaurant. The mother went to the buffet and I watched her- most curiously- put something like five croissants on a plate. I immediately thought- she's going to put some of those in her purse to take with her. I mean, who eats fiver croissants?? As Rick Rock and I were leaving, we saw the waitress hovering over the Verdasco's table, and no one seemed pleased. I think they were getting harassed about the croissants or something ridiculous like that. I guess the whole thing about a buffet is you can eat as much as you want, but there is sort of this unsaid thing- you may not fill your purse with things from the buffet.

Then Rick Rock went to the car for a minute and I rode the elevator with- Almagro and his coach. I was nervous and barely looked up. His coach did say, upon entering, "going up"? I said, "yes". Almagro is fucking HOT. He is not that much taller than me, though. Almagro got off at 13, and then the coach got off at like, 21, and he looked at me and said, "bye".

I have this thing- I think I may have better luck with getting nailed by a coach instead of a player. Like, you know, how Rock chick groupies bang the roadies instead of the rock stars? Anyway, or- maybe I could get my hands on one of the hitting partners? Sheesh. That Romanian dude who had breakfast with Hanescu was movie star gorgeous if movie stars were actually gorgeous instead of like, 5 foot 6 with abnormally large heads who rely largely on stunt doubles to make them look manly. ( This may not be true of every movie star, but I have walked by Tom Cruise and, um, yeah.)

All that said, we watched absolute buckets of amazing tennis yesterday. We watched a bit of the aforementioned Youzhny match out on a small court, then we sat right up front and watched my favorite player in the universe of God, Nalbandian, destroy poor Tommy Robredo. Nalby was so on fire, so unbelievable- Robredo was not playing badly, it's just that Nalby gave him NO chance. It was a very different match than the day before when we watched him play Ferrer. Nably gave Tommy a bagel in the second set. The boys got his autograph. They also got Davydenko's autograph as he left the court before Nalby went on. Oh! And we got to watch Andy Murray on a practice court- God he's a cutie--and the boys got his autograph!

Then we went to the main stadium and watched the DRAMA of Djokovic as he pulled out a very tight match against Benneteau. I've seen it on TV, but I have never seen Nole up close in real life like this, playing tennis that is, as I did see him up close in Montreal and chatted with him when Cheesewad was very young and ran off as he so sweetly asked him if he played tennis. Also, that time in Montreal (the year he won it), we watched him play doubles on a back court and the boys got his autograph. Anyway, the man looked MISERABLE yesterday. He has some serious problems with the heat. It's not an act, it's not because he's not fit- some people cannot handle high temperatures. He withdrew from two events earlier this year due to his breathing issues. He's not making this up! It was insanely hot- they say on the court it was close to 110 degrees--and some people get ill in this heat, others don't. Sort of like some of us have blond hair and some of us are bald. Anyway, the crowd was really rooting for him- the atmosphere was fantastic and exciting- and we had great seats and the boys really enjoyed watching the world's number 2 pull it out.

Then we went back to the grandstand, stopping along the way here and there. At this point, we were getting pretty giddy from the heat and tennis watching. We got right up front AGAIN (damn, I'm so good at it) and watched Verdasco and Jeremy Chardy. Now, on TV, Jeremy Chardy looks like an Adonis. In real life, he's very, very skinny and moody in that French way that many of the French are (not Monfils, mind you, he's super jolly and smiley) and looks like he could be a smoker or a herion addict. But GOOD LORD, he has an enormous serve, just huge, and a forehand that you can barely see the ball it moves so fast. WTF? He is so LOOSE. His limbs are like ropes being swung around, whipping through the air. It's really a sight to behold.
We didn't watch the whole match- he ended up defeating the love of my life, Fernando. But the first set- which Chardy lost in a tiebreak- was amazing tennis. Just brilliant.

At this point, it's after 5pm and Cheesewad is fading. I am too. We can no longer concentrate very well at all and I'm like, seeing spots. We decide to go watch a tiny bit of doubles before we leave. Robredo and Almagro against Stepanek and Knowles. We are in the very first row of a tiny back court. The camera is out of batteries and I keep trying to take a picture of my foot or finger with Robredo and Almagro's heads. At one point I think these ladies behind me are speaking Spanish (I speak Spanish) and then they start cheering on Stepanek and Knowles and I realize they are speaking Czech, and I know, it is time to go. My brain had reached it's capacity for tennis.


Yours Truly,

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day Two, The Rogers Cup 2010

Well, we got there, as usual, an hour late and I didn't yell at Rick Rock even once during the drive! It was a very hot day, but we kept telling each other we can't complain because at least it wasn't raining.

David Nalbandian (link to follow), my all time favorite player of all time, was playing David Ferrer, also known lovingly around our house as the Turtle, in the main stadium. We had great seats. The sun bore down on us. We sprayed sunblock all over us and wore hats and occasionally threw a towel over our heads. It was a great three setter. Cheesewad took AMAZING photos (soon to come). I love these guys so much and Nalby was so typical- he'd break, then he'd get broken back immediately- then he'd curse like crazy. We love to listen to
Spanish curses and guess what they could be saying. Ferrer says "hostia" a lot, which means "Holy Ghost". It's a very bad word in Spanish. Once, we're pretty sure we heard Nalbandian say "Puta Vieja" which means "old whore" and is also a bad word, or phrase. He said that after he made an error, and it may have gone like, "I just hit that ball like an OLD WHORE", and so it was sort of that thing where he screamed out the
end words of his muttering to himself.

Here are some pictures. This is RR and Minis (oops forgot not to call them that):

Here is RR and the minis, who I must call- the boys? The Boys. They are not very mini anymore. Sigh. We are about to watch Nalby and Ferrer. The two Davids. We had many moments where I'd scream "Vamos David" and one of the boys would say, "which David? (Ferrer and Nalby are both David). So then I said to the boys, "Vamos los dos Davides?" (Go both Davids?) And that was not greeted well by the boys, so I never yelled it.

Before the Davids played, we watched Berdych beat this guy, Stakhovsky. It was rather quick. Yet-
Good God Berdych is hot.

I may fill out this post with lots of more stuff. But I'm moving toward the end of our evening here. We were watching Monfils who was supposed to play Gonzalez, but he withdrew, so he played this Indian guy Devvarman. At that
point, we'd been watching tennis for Six hours in the sun. We were fried. I drank a million iced teas, and yet, I was failing mentally, due to the heat, the hot men, the hot air, the watching hours of tennis. We were right up front, and it was an amazing match. But we were all - fading. It was a tight match, Monfils is so fucking hot, but we were getting goofy. Some of the line calls were questionable. I got a bit huffy, I said, "no that was good". Or I said, "see that was out, like I thought". Rick Rock started with his opinions. He said, "You were right." (There was no shot spot or whatever you want to call it, so lots of opinions bandied about). Then RR said, "you were right" (to me), you should call those lines." Then Monfils hit a ball into the net. And RR said, "I'll call them when they go into the net!" He was really excited about this job. So, his job was to go, "that was in the net!" like it was a call. So then we started to a laugh so hard it was hard to not be problematic. Then we started to fall apart altogether. Every time someone hit it into the net, RR would look all bug eyed at me and say, "That was into the net!" And then I would start snarfing ice tea. Mind you, I was sunburned and tired. And then we started laughing so hard, well, the boys were embarrassed. So - Monfils won the first set, it was after 6pm, and we left.

Oh, on the way to the Monfils match, I was walking alongside all sorts of people, with my boys. And I looked to my right, and I was walking, meandering, next to this man I recognized. He was very handsome, tall and incredibly strong. I thought I recognized him. Heat stroke was effecting my brain, so I turned ( he was, like, Right, next to me) and said "are you someone's coach?" And then he started with, "well, I blabla" and I interrupted him and said, "You are Killer Cahill!" And he smiled, not a big smile, mind you, and said, "Yes". And I said, as we meandered along to where we both were going, "You're great, we love your commentary". And he said, "Thank you". And then we parted ways. He did smile. Also, Killer Cahill? At least 6'3. Hot. Maybe Fifty years old, I don't know. Strong as shit. HOT. I now love Killer Cahill. Food for thought, he is, that Aussie Man.

More soon. More Pictures!

Yours Truly,

World Peace Through Tennis, Rain, The Cazalets, Feliciano Lopez, Rain, The Chairs

Yesterday was a great day one and a disappointing day one. It was great because it started out with the minis (although this will be the last time I call them that, as Rockytoad is six foot one now, I have no idea how that happened, maybe a Martian came and stole my son and like, tried to replace him with something sort of like my son, but got the size wrong, except that when I say that to Rocktoad, when I say, "What happened to my son? Who are you? Someone abducted my son!, he says, "I AM your son", so I don't know. Martians can be devious, I think) running into Berdych on the way to breakfast at the hotel. He's a very impressive athlete- I have run into him in previous years. Then, I only yelled at Rick Rock twice or so on the drive to the stadium. Then, we walked around, getting our bearings and decided to watch a bit of Tommy Robredo and the Finn, Nieminen. The tennis was so amazing and we were right up front in the Grandstand. Tommy Robredo is HOT. Then, I noticed on the program that on tiny Court One, Murray and some other Brit were to play doubles against Monfils and Kohlshreiber!!!!!

So we went over to Court One. We watched the end of Benneteau and Istomin (from Uzbekstan, big guy, young, handsome and I wanted him to win, as he was the underdog, and I always feel for the players from places like Uzbekestan, plus he gave off a good vibe) and I must say, Benneteau beat him handily, which was great- even if I liked Istomin for different reasons-- as we wanted to watch the upcoming doubles match. (Oh, and I said to Rick Rock, "Is that Carlos Bernardi in the chair?" He said, "why yes!" He isa very good chair and we feel super geeked out when we know the chairs...) Court One filled up with lots of overspill. Then the stars came! It was all very exciting. They warmed up. We felt sort of sorry for Ross Hutchins, Murray's partner, as he is not really in the same league as the other players.

Anyway, the whole thing made me think of these books I'm reading, The Cazalet Chornicles (lots of links to come when I revise, people), which takes place during WWII. I mean, A Frenchman and a GERMAN playing together, in harmony! Now, on the other side, we have England, all united together, wearing cute matching outfits. But in my books, France was conquered by Germany and then England fights them, and the whole world is a terrible mess beyond all comprehension, harder to understand than like, why Mars is red and cold. The books are sad, or worse. So- to see these countries all on a court together hitting a little green ball around, not to mention being all handsome and sexy and young and full of life- sheesh. Tennis promotes world peace. That is all I can say. World Peace Through Tennis! I was moved. Also, Monfils and Murray are super hot.

Then is rained.

While it poured rain, I shopped. Stella McCartney makes tennis clothes. Some of it is very pretty. Some of it is entirely impractical and I sort of wonder if she actually givesa flying fuck about tennis. I think she may just like fashion I bought a tiny little skirt that I plan to wear, not necessarily while playing tennis. Maybe while watching tennis. Not sure. Maybe while pole dancing at my part time job as a stripper. Or maybe while hanging out with my other twelve year old girlfriends in the seventh grade just like me, after we leave our Greenwich Country Day school for the club where one must where all whites, where we take private lessons with a pro named something like, "Ross Huntington".

When the rain stopped and we'd scarfed down hot dogs, we rushed back to the doubles match on court one, but alas, we were too late. There was no room whatsover. So- Poor Us- we went over to the Grandstand, sat right up front and watched Feliciano Lopez and De Bakker. I HAD EYE CONTACT WITH FELI. I love him. He is beautiful. He is a bit mournful and less prissy I think, since he knocked up Miss Spain or whoever she is or maybe that's gossip. They warmed up. They started to play. We all watched in awe- two amazing tennis players. During the sit down, which happened feet from my face, Feli would pour water all over his head and rub his hair down and give it a shake. I was reminded of gazelles in the wilds of Africa, running through the open fields, the rain making their hides glisten. I also wanted to go and do that, pour water on his head and - run my hand over his head afterward. Oh, and Fergus something or other was in the chair! I will say- a couple of bad calls he did not overrule. Hm. I like his Irishy accent though. The camera was on Feli THE WHOLE TIME. Not once on poor de Bakker, but de Bakker is having a breakout year, so that's one good thing. Also, the stadium was full of lots of pretty girls wearing off the shoulder shirts and high heels and make up and RR and I called it "Hoooker Stadium". That's what Feli brings out in the world, a stadium full of scantily dressed young women.

Then it rained. We came in third place in the contest of "who can stay out in the rain the longest".

Off to Day TWO!!!!! So many good matches. I'm feeling all jittery.

Yours Truly,

Monday, August 9, 2010

HI! We are at the Rogers Cup - Here are some pictures

RR here -

That's right, we may be crappy bloggers lately but... well but nothing. Anyway we are in Toronto at the Rogers Cup, and here are some pictures - thanks mostly to Cheesewad who is the main photographer.
This is Tommy. He is good at tennis. We had some rain (more later) but he was able to
complete his match against Neimenen. Victoriously. He looks kind of fierce in this picture. RAR!

Down below (I hope - getting things to lay out right is... weird) is Jarko - defeated, but still Finnish. A great action shot by Cheesewad! We watched the end of the match peering over the back of the bleachers from a different court, as we waited for Murray/Hunt and
Monfils/Kohlschreiber to start.
Alas, it was not to be - at least not for us, due to the rain. More on which later.

Here is a shot of that whole crew taking to the court. But as soon as they finished the warm-up, rain fell upon us, like wolves upon sheep. What? Cheese took a shot of Murray's mom, who was there, but I can't remember which camera/phone it is on. No other Moms were present, to my knowledge.

OK gonna try to put in another pic -the layout is getting very hairy....

The next match we caught a decent chunk of involved this man, who some consider to be
handsome. He was playing De Bakker, a fine Dutch tennis player who is perhaps less handsome. We sometimes make jokes about Dutch people, I admit it. But it's ok, because I am mostly of Dutch ancestry. My middle name is Riker, like Riker's island! Er, where I have never been. But someday I will go there and reclaim my birthright!

We saw 5 games of fine big-serving tennis from these two, before this happened: Rain. Lots of
it. Rainy rain, raining from the sky. We had a contest with the person in this picture, and a few others, to see who would sit in the rain the longest. We came in third.

And that is all for tonight. We went out to see some friends in Toronto, and it is kind of late. Hopefully better blogging tomorrow. P actually took (awesome) notes in her little black book. So soon...

We'll be back out there tomorrow morning, and the weather should be good.

RR out

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Berdych upsets Federer

I'm having a Gin martini. I have no idea whether or not Gin should actually be capitalized, but it looks right to me this way. I want to have sex with Andy Murray and not only because he's winning-- really, I don't get the hots for the winners as much as for, well, certain men, as evident by my love for Nalbandian and Ginepri and even, I don't know, Gabashvili--but Murray has grown up. He is losing his boyishness. Also, he has that English/Scottish/Whatever thing of having a sort of thin face, curly brown hair, sort of Asberger'sy personality-- in other words, he reminds me of Rick Rock and some other hot men I'm hot for. And I- I LOVE MEN. Although, I loved boys when I was a girl. So, um, whatever.

Berdych -when he beat the Fed at the Olympics--really pulled off a crazier upset in some ways that time. He was very young, Fed was very dominant- whereas Fed has been struggling this year a bit--but still- HOLY SHIT. I also think that the Pironkova upset was more alarming than the Fed loss because---Berdych has had some crazy wins- beating Nadal in Madrid, beating, well, Fed more than once--and he's known as an underachiever. Also, he's really smoking hot. I wrote about how the combo of Nadal and Berdych were sort of like, having vanilla AND chocolate ice cream here. But the Bulgarian Pironkova? I may spellcheck her name later. Sorry people. Anyway, even though I remember her win over Venus very well- because it was wierd- but this win was even wierder. Firstly, on grass, no one is as dominant as Venus. Secondly- Pironkova- even if she totally fucked up my racquet brackets for a while because I bet on her a lot after she beat Venus that other time-- is no Berdych. People do NOT talk about her! She isn't known, like him, as an underachiever. Also-- Jesus!- she threw SOOO much crap. That forehand slice? I mean, it worked. But- it reminded me of this 8 year old that played against my son at this tournament in Pennsylvania. Now, mind you, she backs up all those junk shots with great serving and some nice solid groundstrokes. But still- a shocker.

Wow. I just talked about tennis WAAAY more than I usually do. And the wierd thing is, I got all inspired to blog because I was watching the ESPN little "deep mini-show showcasing one player, with very silly romantic language and slow mo action and awesomely handsome shots" about Murray, and I got, I must admit, very aroused. But to be honest, I get aroused sometimes when I open up my Yahoo browser, in anticipation of this one really hot guy chatting with me. Sigh. That was a joke?

What else? I just got really embarrassed and distracted by that last proper sentence- where I confessed. Oh! I know! I actually want Murray to win, and I wanted him to win before I got all aroused by him, because it would be really cool for a "Brit" to win for the first time in soooooo long. Even if he is a Scot. Also, his brother Jamie is smoking HOT. And flirty- have you seen him play mixed doubles? LOVE him. ALSO-- Andy Murray- years ago, but I'm old as shit, so it seems like yesterday--won my fave local Challenger, the Binghamton Challenger!! I think that is cool. Although I must mention that he was horrible, cursing out the local ball kids, and even had to apologize when he accepted his championship check and so forth. I guess, at least he apologized. I'm confused. It's like- if we were on earth and life was normal, I'd still sort of hate Murray and find him "eh", but instead, we're on MARS and the whole world is wierd and strange and Mars-like, and I have the hots for a somewhat medium-attractive man who is known to yell at ball kids, instead of the Spanish Stallion, Nadal, so well mannered and really God given sexually attractive, and the planet I live on is Red, and like, really hot, and further from the the Sun, and so - everything is really strange and wrong and upside down and yet, still beautiful, because we are alive!

Yours Truly,