Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Friday, September 27, 2013

Am I A Weirdo?

Hello! Rowan here. Been a long time since I blogged something. But I enjoyed Paula's US Open posts, and she pretty much promised me she will blog more if I blog something too.

Today I'm gonna share something awesome with you. Dan Kim is a great artist from Canada, and he recently had a Kickstarter fundraising campaign for his new book. One of the rewards for donating was that Dan would draw you an original sketch of your favourite waifu, a female character of your choice. Most normal people picked cartoon or comic book characters, but for my waifu I asked if I could choose my favourite tennis player Alizé Cornet. Am I a weirdo?

Alizé has actually had a decent season this year for once. She won a title on clay in Strasbourg, made the 3rd round at 3 of the Slams and is ranked 28 in the world right now, her highest in years. She still has a lot of French attitude and a very pretty nose.

Anyway here is Dan's picture of Alizé. Isn't it the greatest thing you ever saw in your whole life? I could gaze at it all day, and I do, I stuck it up on the wall above my drawing table. Srsly, am I a weirdo?


You can find more of Dan Kim's art at

Let's blog again real soon!

PS: Have you seen Eugenie Bouchard the 19 year old from Canada? She is a total babe.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Men's US Open Final, 2013

Ok, Djokovic just broke at Love. This is turning into a match. At first, I thought that Rafa was just going to kill Nole, and then I started thinking about how hot they are, both of them, and so I stopped caring at all about the actual match and starting thinking dirty thoughts.
I don't know who I want to win. I love them both. Dearly.
Has anyone else noted that Nadal is losing some hair there on the top- it's thinning. I may have mentioned that before, because one thing this blog is good for is- repetition. I want to have sex with tennis players! I am drinking an adult beverage! My animals make my house smell bad!
OK, Nole. Not losing any hair. In fact, he has a virtual Brillo pad on his head. Think how useful that would be. First, you could watch him play tennis (like I am now), then you could make him have sex with you, or that would be ideal, and then you could use his head to wash the dishes. OMG. That would be three great things in a row, or in any order, not necessarily in a row.
Now- let's talk about Nadal.
Oh wait, I gotta say this is turning into a great match and the ralleys are AMAZING.
OK, back to Nadal. Now, his hair IS thinning. But so is Rick Rock's the man of the house here and sometimes contributor, and that doesn't bother me a bit. And so was this ex boyfriend's of mine in college- it in no way affected our ability to be "close" nor did it destroy my attraction to him. In fact, if he were here right now, I would hit on him, because I don't like his wife and I have good memories of him and I bet he's still hot - he married her right after me! Anyway, back to Nadal. Good lord he is so handsome and talented and rich. And so SPANISH. As followers of this blog now, I used to live in Spain and LOVE Spanish men, although I was 18 at the time and didn't bang one Spanish dude because Americans had the rep to be sluts and I didn't want to be thought of as a slut. God, how I regret that now. Who the fuck cares if someone thinks you are a slut in a foreign country when you are 18? If only my 45 year old self could inhabit my 18 year old self- I would have banged some HOT Spanish dudes.
Nole is trying to turn this around. Too bad Mary Carillo hasn't become a mute. Wow, that was rough. I don't really want her to lose the ability to speak, but you know- she's awful.
OK, I just baked a chicken and fed my family. We had some asparagus and rice, too. At dinner, once the conversation turned to dicks, and how smoking makes you turn to dick sucking, which then makes you start taking harder drugs because you are sad you are sucking dick - anyway, why are adolescent boys obsessed with their dicks? And why is Rick Rock, who is 45, an adolescent boy? And why were we talking about gateway drugs and why did this lead to non stop penis talk? I mean, I never care about those things, as this blog attests. When have I ever mentioned the male anatomy?  Sometimes, it's hard to be the only lady in the house.
I might start watching this on fast forward as I hate to be behind. I used to watch tennis on fast forward a lot because I watched TENNIS ALL THE TIME. I don't do that anymore. My life got busy in mostly bad ways, but also some good ways.
Rafa just fell and - he's so cute.
I like Rafa's outfit a little bit better than Nole's. But don't tell Nole that in case I stand a chance? OK? Thanks.
Rick Rock is perving on Rafa's sister. He said, "I've watched her grow up into a fine young woman." That was a little too Law and Order SVU for me ( I usually call that show, which I watch all the time "SUV" just to be dyslexic and also SUV is a common "word". It just flow better.)
I'm a little behind- been taping it, had to feed the dick obsessed wierdos in my house- but more soon!
Just when I thought Nole was going to take over, Rafa turns into a crazed tennis genius and takes the third set. I wish I were his towel. I could be his towel! Just that, really, not more, just that thing he rubs all over his arms and sometimes other parts of his body. OK, now I want to be the tennis balls. They go inside the pockets of BOTH tennis players! They get to soak up some sweat. They're right next to some seriously important anatomy of the tennis players. They get squeezed by the hands of both Nadal and Nole. Oh, yeah, I am a tennis ball- sort of all Yoda like. Remember Yoda? He had this whole "saying" thing which was deep and mysterious and transported himself out of dumb reality into something awesome and powerful? I AM THE TENNIS BALL. Squeeze me, put me next to your junk, then hit me a lot. Hm. The last part- not so sure of. But I was just riffing.

Oh shit, 3-0 Rafa in the fourth.I am having a vodka on ice. For some reason, I keep dripping onto my shirt. It sort of looks like when you breastfeed and your milk leaks. Not a good look. Thank God Rafa and Nole can't see me. It also looks like Azarenka yesterday. She had terrible boob sweat circles. Maybe that's why she lost? Serena has an iron bra holding up her huge, amazing breasts, each breast bigger than the size of my head. No sweat is getting through an iron bra.
Oh fuck, Nole is not hitting so well. He has played soo much more tennis this tournament.He might need me to console him. I will. I would, in a heartbeat, in a vodka wet T-shirt, bad boob circle (although unlike Azarenka, only one boob is getting the circle of wetness) shirt,  give him my consolation. I guess I could take off my shirt? I should take it off- I lifted weights with my amazing trainer, and it was disgusting to begin with.

It's 5-1 now. AAWWW.

I'm wearing my Strassburg Sock.

I highly recommend if you have Plantar Fascc-my-foot-hurts. It really helps.

Championship point. So sad. So great? So great. So confused. I love tennis.
I need to clean up dog pee. My three legged dog pees everwhere. OHHH! Go Rafa! Nole - I love you. What a great handshake! Rafa- oh shit. Rafa is crying. I might cry.

Yours Truly,