Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Friday, April 30, 2010

My Internet May Go Away Soon

We have this new software that makes the internet crash at midnight. Tonight, I did some pleading- I got an extra hour from RR. But that ends in ten minutes. He's funny. I was not saying genius things- I was saying dumb things that made him laugh, though. Gulbis pulling out that first set in that awesome tiebreak- wow. Maybe Lopez will need a comforting presence if he loses. Also- I did not have sex with him on that bar! Oral sex doesn't count, right? Ask Bill Clinton.

I want to stay up and watch this match. I want more internet time. I tend to talk to handsome men I know via chat stuff and then, I feel like shit about it. So. It's a conundrum. Do I stay up, watching tennis and trying to get guys to chat with me? Or do I not? Also, will RR give me another extension? Hmmmm.

Lopez is down break point here early on in the second set. Oh-Gulbis did it!

Yours truly,

Gulbis vs Lopez in Rome - Holy Crap!

RR Here -

Whoa Lopez just hit a smoking, Federer like backhand winner - what the hell? His backhand has really improved. Gulbis too is like, a new man. Maybe the family fortune has been gobbled up by the European debt crisis, and he's thinking, Oh wow I better win some tennis games. Hi, we are talking about the European debt crisis on Must Watch Tennis. Tomorrow we will discuss the valuation of the Yuan. Or maybe Gulbis is trying to impress some new supermodel.

Gulbis looks like a big, studly non-scientologist version of Beck. I mean, he looks a little like Beck.

I asked P which of these dudes she would rather get "intimate" with. Ladies, and gentlemen, it would be... Lopez. The Latin dude wins out. She had a little conversation with Lopez in the hotel bar in Toronto one year. (I was there, nervously listening). "Hola, juegas bien". "Gracias". Then they had sex on the bar. OK, all true except for that last part. I think. She can be pretty sneaky, she might have pulled off a quickie there.

I am a little hung over again. Coincidence?

P thinks Gulbis should shave. Too young, that scruffly stuff. By the way, this is kind of an awesome match.

Ah, I am out of things to say. P keeps saying genius things and saying, "write that", so now I am going to give the computer to her.

RR out

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Ernests Gulbis + Pajamas

RR here -

Just a quick comment here, as there has been some tequila, and it's a school night and all...

We had a friend who we like very much - he stayed a weekend with us and when he left, we discovered he had left his dirty PJs and underwear hanging in the bathroom. P was scared to touch them, and she made me fetch them and, like, seal them in a plastic wrapper for transportation back to the friend. And she is not generally a prissy or squeamish lady. But she was scared of our friend's nether garments.

Anyway, I just asked her, if Gulbis left his underthings hanging in our bathroom, PJ's and all, would she be hesitant to handle them. She said no. She would be fine with handling Gulbis' undergarments.

Just a quick update - I thought our readers would like to know.

PS - Gulbis is currently (in our replaying time-shifted world) a break up on Fed in the 3rd, and playing awesomely. And Fed looks crusty...

RR out

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Barcelona Semi-finals!

Ferrer and Verdasco! And I'm running out of the house to drive upstate! Cheeesewad, the younger of my sons, got the exact shirt that Verdasco is wearing for his birthday just the other day! I may have to post the picture of him in it. He looks even better than Verdasco, which is saying a lot. Although my feelings for Verdasco are very different than my feelings for my son. Like, light years different in terms of- my feelings, my relationship, to those two. As in, when I think of my son, I don't think any of the thoughts I think of when I think of Verdasco. but- hmmm. In terms of hugeness of love in my heart, Cheesewad wins.

Hopefully I get to watch this later today and comment on the match. Rick Rock and I met in Barcelona, so that's super special.

Also- so good to hear from Rowan! Love how he loves the Woz's dirty behind.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Green Green Clay

Hey everybody! Rowan here. I’m enjoying Paula and Rick Rock’s hungover blogs and thought I’d post something too. I’m not hungover, but I have been watching Monte Carlo. Rafa looked really good.

But what interests me most at the mo are the green clay courts of Charleston. I didn’t see any of the tournament, but I have been looking at pictures, and man that green clay looks cool. Seriously, I really like the look of it. And when it is caking the back of Caroline Wozniacki it looks extra cool. Charleston is now on my short list of tournaments to attend one day, because its green clay courts look so dope.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Nadal Defeats Verdasco in the Monte Carlo Final

The title of this post is premature, as I have not quite finished watching this match.

Man, Verdasco just held for the first time and I am so happy. And now he just nailed a forehand. A fantastic angle. This is what he needs to do to make a match out of this- hit perfectly amazing shots non-stop. HAHA. The commenters are good. One just said that Nadal won the first set 6/0 on Doha and then lost the match. Somehow, I don't foresee that happening here, people.

Nadal just made an error. He does that very rarely.

Rick Rock is funny. He very, very rarely has a hangover. He's really cute when he does. It happens like, three times a year? Me- hmm- three times a week? We're different that way. And yet, he tolerates me because...because..of our mutual love of tennis? That and I make a mean hot dog.

It's 40/30 here in the third game of the second set. Verdasco is serving. Oooh no--He did not. He just doubled faulted twice in row! I do that all the time. I know how it feels. It feels like ass. Now he just put a forehand in the net. I feel he just can't handle the pressure. I give Nadal tons of credit though. He is playing ferociously well. And his parents divorce is the thing that kills me the most. Do you think thier son's wild success and the pressure of all that it entails is the reason for the divorce?

I feel I should link the Shakira Nadal video. Hmm. I can't find it but I found the song and some stills from the video- check it out. I will try to. Here is what I think- Shakira is a nasty little slut. Nadal is a pervert. Life is beautiful. Sex is natural and lovely. People like to have sex. I was really, really jealous of Shakira in that video to the point of getting really angry while watching it. Like started huffing and puffing and making angry faces. Oh, Nadal just broke Verdasco. Sigh. Poor Fernando.

I am off to play tennis with Cal Redmond, the world's greatest tennis teacher. I have not exersized in about two weeks. I'm sort of nervous. I don't know how to spell exersize. I usually hit the gym like four times a week. But I had a nasty cold. That, and I hate going to the gym, I just do it because- one- I like to eat but I don't want to be overweight- and two, I have ten million bad habits and like, the gym is my only good habit. It's 4/1 here in the second set. This is not a very good final.

Man, it sure is fun to be less hungover than RR. It's sort of like Christmas or something. Like, a special gift. Or maybe even a miracle. Or like, Martians came down and changed the whole universe to not resemble the universe as it once was and now it's like Mars.

Yours Truly,

Monte Carlo Final - I'm more Hangovered Than Paula

RR Here -

Oww...... Paula says blogging is good for hangovers. She says if I blog I'll feel better. So I am trying. There was too much tequila last night drunk by people. I know there has been a lot of talk about hangovers on the blog lately, but we are not bad people. This is unusual for me. It was Saturday night last night!

Verdasco is getting a neck rub - it's 5-0 Nadal and I think he has a headache. I want a neck rub too.

The announcer dudes said the players are all taking a bus to Barcelona after this, because of the volcano thing. Paula says she would like to be on that bus. She actually has a history of taking long somewhat sketchy bus rides.

I'm not sure this is making me feel better....

Verdasco is back, but it is looking bagel-y. I had a bagel a little while ago and it helped a bit. Verdasco really looks like he's a bit hurt - I hope he can play it out.

P is pulling for Verdasco to keep things interesting, but I must admit I am hoping for Rafa to win, he deserves something good, after the troubles he's had. Something good other than rubbing up against Shakira that is. Did he break up with his girlfriend? If you know please let us know, because we don't.

It's bagel point number two - let's see...oh yes there he's done it.

Ow... taking a break. Blogging maybe made me feel a little better. I hope it didn't give you, the reader, a headache.

RR out

Saturday, April 17, 2010


PEOPLE. Rick Rock returned at 8am and everyone is much better off for it. Even the cats. For instance, the cat food can get full of ants and sometimes I take care of the situation, but sometimes I do not, pretending that it doesn't matter. Rick Rock - he'll help out with things like that. Aaaaahhh. A helper. I love help. I'm going to try to get him to blog, too. That would mean a tiny break from the "I want to have sex with tennis players and man, I feel hungover" meme that I work very hard to adhere to because of it's deep importance to the understanding of sports in our nation. Aw, he just brought me a cup of tea. I feel so grateful.

Ferrer is losing. I once saw him beat Nadal at the US Open. But that was not clay. Rafa and clay is like shrimp and cocktail sauce or a burger and a coke, or vodka and cigarettes, or bourbon and cigarettes, or martinis and oysters, or brandy and chocolate cake. Wow. I just got inspired for going out to dinner. I slept until 1pm today, so I'm not tired enough yet to have a "tennis nap". I'll try to get into this match. Sometimes, at the end of events- the final four and the final-I feel bereft and detached, like I can't maintain the initial love and frenzy I felt at the beginning of the week, when I had ten hours of tennis every day. Other times, I savor the last moments like a fine cognac, or even a decent bourbon, or like, a perfect martini, or -shit-a Coors tallboy with a straw stuck down it.

OK. It's 2 all in the second. Perhaps something exciting will happen (that would mean something like Ferrer starts getting ahead, or, like, jumps out of the TV and into my lap.)

Yours truly,

Friday, April 16, 2010

Nalbandian versus Djokovic

I wish Ferrero had taken Nadal to a third set. Oh well. I love Rafa. I have a cat named Rafa. His named has since digressed to Waffleberry. But- his name really is Rafa.

David fucking Nalabandian. I basically started this blog because of him! And he's back after all that time away with his hip surgery. OH MY GOD. I... I love him. I think it is safe to say that he made me cry upon a few of his big wins. Cry tears of joy. When he won the year end championship against Federer? When he won Madrid and Paris, back to back? Oh man, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it. He's so noble and polite and - no pushover - and Argentine and stoic and emotional and handsome and good at tennis and a choker and ......

I'm sipping on some Dominican rum. Rockytoad is on his way back from "band practice". Also, Rockytoad made the JV tennis team. We are proud. He's also grown six inches since I last posted- not yesterday- but the time before that.

Djokovic is interesting me here. I think he really really wants to win this. And he most likely will. He's hitting fabulously. As much as I'd like Nalbandian to win this match, and the French Open, and the presidential election, and the lottery, and so on, this has been a good run for him so recently healthy and having been gone so long. So, like, I'm trying to be happy for him. That said- what if he turns it around and wins this match!!?? I'll roll around on the floor, hugging myself.

Which brings me to- do guys only think about sex all the time? I was thinking about that recently. Like, does Nalbandian think about tennis a lot? Or while he's playing tennis, is he thinking about getting it on with his girlfriend later on? Like, is he imagining her naked body, or just thinking about tennis. I have some of the strangest thoughts when I play tennis. Some of those thoughts go like this, man, I'm hungover. Wow, how many cigarettes did I smoke last night. Ug, I don't feel very good. And so forth. I think it's safe to say Roddick maybe- just maybe- thinks about Brooklyn, his fiancee or whatever she is-- occasionally when playing tennis. Sort of like a carrot on a stick sort of thing (want to win this match, go home and nail her, oh, there in my head is a picture of her naked while I'm on this court, but it's OK, I can still play tennis). Of course, I could be wrong. Perhaps they focus better than I do when I play tennis. This is a serious possibility.

Yours Truly,


Well, that Kohlschreiber/Ferrer match was PERFECT for a tennis nap. I snoozed on and off for two hours. Aaaaah. Glad to see Ferrer, also known as the turtle, (read this old post here that explains the "tennis nap", a common theme here at MWTATT (that acronym sounds vaguely like a vulgar word), and Ferrer and turtleness) win that one. He is from Spain. Did I tell you all I was in Spain a few weeks ago? I WAS! I stayed at a big old tennis resort hotel! There were some seriously hot tennis pros there. Sad to say, I was never alone with any of them. But we had some nice group lessons --all four of us--and the red clay was beautiful and Spain was beautiful and I did my best to prance around in tiny tennis outfits and smile at the cute pros a lot.

Right now, Ferrero and Nadal are playing. This, my friends, is a match I am NOT fast forwarding. I love both these guys. It's sort of torture- as in--I really don't want either to lose. Gosh. I could get worked up about this.

Sigh. Rick Rock has been travelling a lot and I'm bored and lonely. In fact, last night I stayed up til 3am or thereabouts (not sure, I know, it's funny), chatting away on the internet until I passed out. I have a gift for that- such a huge gift that we have downloaded some software that makes the internet go away at midnight (or whatever time you choose). The problem is- we only did it on ONE computer. Tomorrow, Rick will do it on the other computer, and maybe I can get cured from the "hi cute boys on the internet", although to be fair, I also could stay up all night chatting with Must Watch Tennis All The Time's Roxane Gay. She's so fun it's's...Mindblowing. Anyway, then I got up a few hours later and got the kids off the school, then I went back to bed until 1:15pm. Then I got up and got acupuncture, because I am sick. Clearly, I am not going to get any better if I think I can stay up til 3am.

Nadal just won the first set. Ferrero really challenged him, though. I'll never forgive Roddick for beating Ferrero in straights at that US Open final all those eons ago. Know what else? That was the time that Nalbandian beat Federer! And then Nalbandian lost to Roddick - that match was so upsetting. Nalby threw the fourth set. The crowd was nuts. Am I the only person on the planet that remembers that all so vividly and yet, I can't remember what time I went to bed last night? HAHA. I'm retarded.

Here is how I am watching tennis. I am sitting on this couch/slash bed piece of furniture- it has no proper back. My little girl kitten, Pencils aka Penny, is at the end of it. Where I hang on it, it has developed a deep sag. And I'm not heavy- but I have persistently, over many years, sat here. It's my- nest. I have my calender with lots of scribbles on it (acupuncture 2pm!), about three various strength blankets, three very smooshed pillows, the clickerbicker (does anyone really call it the "remote"?Seriously, I'm curious.), Victoria Secret catalogues, two pairs of dirty socks, the phone a pen, some other catalogues, a very crumpled New Yorker, a short story I printed out, a dirty T-shirt- and yeah. Next to me is a table with wine, hand cream, two books, face cream, chapstick, lip gloss and a box of "vape" stuff. ( I now vape for the most part- which means, I almost don't smoke!!!! WOOHOO! Ask me all about vaping.)

My flatscreen TV is about a 3ft by 4foooter? I should know, but I don't. The weather sort of looks crappy in Monte Carlo. I want Ferrero to change his body language. he needs to hold his head up. He can do this- he can win. Although, that would mean Nadal would lose, which would make me sad. I'm so confused. I just wrinkled my brow in consternation.

Yours Truly,

Thursday, April 15, 2010

MONTE CARLO 2010!!!!!

PEOPLE. I have been watching tennis, but I have not been blogging! So many other things zap my blogger energy. So I'm going to push myself here and blog even if my brain feels like a corn muffin.

Right now, I am watching six and a half hours of DVRed tennis on fast forward. This is one of those things that make me go "wow, I should be folding laundry" or "wow, I suck" but instead,, I'm laughing heartily at myself (and inner laughing, as in, no real laugh is coming out of my mouth at this exact second) and thinking- "God put me on this planet to do this, to watch tennis on fast forward". Occasionally- I stop. I just stopped and Nadal was crushing some poor not-as-attractive-as-Nadal guy, named De Bakker. That said, De Bakker is a professional athelete and I have no doubt in real life I would walk by him and get aroused. Pro atheletes- even minor league ones- are fucking hot.

What else? It's April and yet I'm still freaked out writing "2010" at the top of this post. I think I have serious issues with the passage of time.

Lots of my tennis blogging would be interspersed with complaining about the many stenches of cat pee and diarreah. Sad to say, both my 17 year old cats who caused Ninety percent of those smells, have passed away. I still have two cats, but both know how to use the litter box and don't have bowel problems. Wow. I have to say though, I just got sad thinking about them, especially Toby, who died very recently. Poor guy. I loved those fucking cats. I'm sad.

OK. Sorry about that downer. I've stopped fast forwarding for one second and landed on- Seppi and Montanes. Montanes is crusing in the third set. I think he looks just like Freddie Mercury!!! I loved Freddy Mercury! I don't know how to spell his name though!!! Queen was a very good rock band.

It's a beautiful Spring day and I'm sitting in my basement, watching sports on a ginormous TV. To my credit, I am sick. In fact, tomorrow, I'm going to get acupuncture for my sickness. Then I will come home and watch tennis.

Also, one of the announcers- the South African- just refered to Nadal's taking advantage of second serves as "wham bam, thank you". And I thought, wow, that's in reference to quick, hard anonymous sex. Hm. Tennis, one nighters in a bathroom in a bar- it all makes sense.

Now I'm watching Murray and Kohlshreiber on fast forward. This could be an interesting match up. And yet, I will not linger on it for long. For one, neither is terribly Spanish. I have seen both up close in Canada, and even if they are not Spanish, they are professional atheletes. I once blogged about why I love the Spanish dudes so much and am going to try and link that old post here. Oh My God! I found it! Read it by clicking here! The goal for today?? Get ALMOST caught up on my tennis watching. That and- I don't know- drink some wine soon? God, I'm so ambitious.

Yours Truly,