Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Men's Year End Championship: A Summary

There were two exciting things that happened in Shangai this year. One: Federer proved his dominance despite a less dominant year than the years before. I like to see him waver and then not waver. The second thing was: Ferrer's ass-kicking move into the top five or whatever he is now- six? My point is -- watching him beat Nadal and then Roddick was thrilling. I don't really understand why he didn't give Federer a better match during the final. But that is why tennis and all sports are so fascinating: the mystery of performance. The way some people "own" other people. Why does Berdych beat Nadal and Nadal beat Federer? Doesn't Santoro have a winning record against Safin? I watched Karlovic beat Hewitt once and it didn't make any sense. Ferrer incredible run ended with a not very good match. It's too boring to say that Federer just played better than him. But it might be the truth.
I'm sad that we now have a break from the tennis season. But I guess I'll watch whatever they happen to show on the Tennis Channel. Including exposition matches? Hell, why not.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Women's Year End Championships

Well, I tried to watch a bunch of this and only watched some of it. I blame Tracy Austin for this although her fellow commentator-- is it Tim Ryan? I think it is--didn't help much at all. I try not to be a "hater". And hate is too strong of a word to describe my feelings for Tracy Austin. But the timber of her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. And she's arrogant. Maybe she just has "conviction" and maybe one needs that to blabber on. But I don't like to watch TV with the sound off and I don't like her voice and so this creates a huge problem. And Tim Ryan is boring. Tracy annoys and Tim -- sorry dude, you are not very exciting or funny. I feel bad. Like I said, I hate being a "hater". But maybe I'm just an annoyed person, and not a hater? Another thing about Tim; he's so passive. He's, like, submissive to Tracy. She's so flipping domineering with her shrillness. Maybe if I imagined Tracy in a black leather outfit with a whip and sharp high healed boots and Tim in a diaper on his knees with one of those balls in his mouth, I could enjoy watching the ladies play tennis better. Hm. I'll try that.

Here are some deeply insightful comments on the tennis:

What was up with those wierd tape thingies on Serena's legs? I have never seen such strange things on an athlete's legs. And the worst thing is, they didn't help. She had to retire because her leg/knee was hurting her badly. I worry it's because of those funky things she had on. She likes to look good! She looked wierd and maybe the wierd look hurt her knee. Just a thought.

I like the Russian, Chakvadatze. Do you know why? She looks like she is on the verge of tears at all times. Something about her eyes. They are so sad! So Russianly sad! And she's a teenager, a cute one, with her long braid and perky athletic body. But when she opens her mouth, she sounds like a male fifty year old former boxer. It's unsettling, man! What is up with the deepness of her voice? My husband and I make politically incorrect jokes about the possibility that the Russian daughters of serious Russian athletes- Kuznetsova, Petrova, and perhaps, mournful little Chakky --are a little "different" due to the vast amounts of steroids that their parents took. Now, that's not nice of me. But it is a joke and I don't really believe it. But Chakky's voice! I love it, too. It's so incongruous and incongruity is good. It is.

I know I should say something here about Henin and Sharapova. Here's what I'll say: they are good tennis players. Sharapova's outfit is not working for me, but hey, like she cares what I think about her outfit. She's rich and famous and I'm just the latter- just kidding! I'm not famous. Someday, I'll write about Henin's boobs. But not today.

I am not going to say anything about the matches and that is the fault of Tracy and Tim, who chased me away from the television so I could not watch much of them. But now that I have a new visualization strategy, the future could be better. I hope to watch more Ladies matches even if Tracy and Tim are the commentators.

Off to watch more men's tennis.
Yours Truly,

Monday, November 5, 2007


Well, I am so overjoyed that I could roll around on the floor touching myself gently but ecstatically and screaming and screaming and then eventually whispering and moaning, and then barely able to talk anymore, still managing to get out the words, the painful, beautiful words, "Nalbandian! Nalbandian!" Or better, "David! David!"

He won his second masters in Paris. He bageled Nadal. He looks like my husband. He is Argentine and speaks a million languages. He has class. He sings on youtube-

I forgot to talk about Martina Hingis and how she tested positive for cocaine. Do you know why? I don't really care. That said, what I really think is, give the girl a break. Every single person in London does cocaine. Really. It's wierd. It's gack central. Instead of people offering you, say, a pretzel, people offer you cocaine. Everywhere. It's not not just Kate Moss and her sexy scary Babyshambles boy, Peter D. It's just the way it is there. It's different there than NYC, where far fewer people do cocaine. People used to do tons of cocaine here in NYC. But now they don't. Things changed here in that people do less gack. And in London, people do more gack. GACK! Indeed, the last time I was in London, a stranger in a bar told me in a very light-hearted manner that he couldn't talk to me anymore because he had to go by cocaine. He said it like someone here in Brooklyn would say, "I gotta go buy some toilet paper." Or actually, not even like buying toilet paper, which is always a little embarrassing, even though we all need it. There was no embarrassment. It was more like- now I got it!-- "I gotta go pick up my daughter from pre-school". Yes. That is how it is in London with cocaine. It's like picking up your daughter from pre-school. One just has to do it. No shame, like buying something with which to wipe your butt. Just, you know, something you gotta do five days a week. So why are people angry about Martina doing cocaine whilst at Wimbledon? That's like being angry at her for picking up her daughter from pre-school. It just doesn't make sense. But I am not happy that Hingis is retiring. She shouldn't do that.

What else? Te quiero David!! Te quiero!!!!

Friday, November 2, 2007

I Start Blogging and Nalbandian Starts Kicking Ass. Coincidence or Fate?

Well, Nalbandian beat Federer again. This time, in straight sets and this time the commentators on TV gave him the love he deserved. One thing I like that one guy said more than once, is that Nalbandian kept Federer "off balance". I felt one could literally see this, that is was visible, how off balance Federer was. A lot of the "unforced" errors that Federer made actually seemed forced to me. And only in South America have I seen statistics for forced errors: the clay court events in Argentina, Chile and Mexico keep stats on "forced" errors. It's tricky to call an error forced or not, but I think that Nalbandian really pushed Federer around and made him reach for shots he wasn't ready to hit.

After that match, who could watch Youhzny vs. Haas? Sorry folks, I could not.

Right this very second, I am watching Nalbandian play against The Turtle (not the Ferret! No! see post called Tennis as Lullaby Plus Ferrets), David Ferrer. Nalby -- as he is affectionately known in this house -- won the first set, barely. Now, I love Nalby. But I think after beating Federer, he is going to have some kind of a "let down". Then, turning on the TV, I find out that Ferrer's record against Nalby is 6 to 2. So, Ferrer normally beats him. Hmm. I saw these two play and wrote briefly about it for (link to the actual article will be up soon) and it was a tight three setter. I stil feel a pang of guilt for not letting my youngest son use the bathroom because we had snuck up to the first row for the match and I didn't want to lose my seat. Hey, he didn't pee himself or anything. Sometimes, when you are on a car ride with your kids, they gotta wait a bit, no? I want you all to know that if he'd seemed in any way in any physical discomfort, I would have given up my stolen first row seats and taken my boy to the bathroom. Or I would have let him pee in an empty water bottle right there- just kidding! Also, Nalbandian won that match against Ferrer.

Now, after Nalby won the first set this evening, I thought, well, now he's going to lose the next two. You see, Nalby likes coming from behind. He loves to lose the first set. Indeed, he famously lost the first two sets against Federer at the year end champions two years ago and then went on to win the next three sets and beat R-Fed. But when he wins the first- danger. Of course, there are many exceptions to this rule! For instance, people, last night against Federer! Also, one of my favorite wins, was Nalbandian in straights (three of them, it was Davis Cup) over in Hewitt- on GRASS-- in Australia!

But here tonight, Nalby just lost the second set and they are playing the third set now and perhaps my not so generous generalization about Nalby will prove true. Truthfully, I like Ferrer a lot. OK, he doesn't hold the same place in my heart that Nalbandian does, but I'm happy he's had such a good year. He's in the year end chamionships! I think he's number 5 n the world! Damn! Go Ferrer! But if I was hooked up to a lie detector, strapped down on a table, and someone could reach deep into the dark folds of my very innermost, sensitive, er, soul, I think I would want Nalbandian to win. I'll let you know what happens.

People! Wow! He did it! I didn't think he could and I'm ashamed I wasn't more confident in my man. But I will say this- 18 aces and 0 double faults. For a man who is known as a grinder, as the best returner out there, he has really done something with his serve. Also, as my tennis teacher Chris mentioned, and I was unaware, Nalbandian has a new coach and perhaps this is helping him reach him potential!

Now comes Nadal and Youhzny. Then comes Gasquet and Murray. (I'm pulling for the Frenchie, Gasquet.) Back to the hard work of watching tennis!
Yours Truly,