Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Women's Year End Championships

Well, I tried to watch a bunch of this and only watched some of it. I blame Tracy Austin for this although her fellow commentator-- is it Tim Ryan? I think it is--didn't help much at all. I try not to be a "hater". And hate is too strong of a word to describe my feelings for Tracy Austin. But the timber of her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. And she's arrogant. Maybe she just has "conviction" and maybe one needs that to blabber on. But I don't like to watch TV with the sound off and I don't like her voice and so this creates a huge problem. And Tim Ryan is boring. Tracy annoys and Tim -- sorry dude, you are not very exciting or funny. I feel bad. Like I said, I hate being a "hater". But maybe I'm just an annoyed person, and not a hater? Another thing about Tim; he's so passive. He's, like, submissive to Tracy. She's so flipping domineering with her shrillness. Maybe if I imagined Tracy in a black leather outfit with a whip and sharp high healed boots and Tim in a diaper on his knees with one of those balls in his mouth, I could enjoy watching the ladies play tennis better. Hm. I'll try that.

Here are some deeply insightful comments on the tennis:

What was up with those wierd tape thingies on Serena's legs? I have never seen such strange things on an athlete's legs. And the worst thing is, they didn't help. She had to retire because her leg/knee was hurting her badly. I worry it's because of those funky things she had on. She likes to look good! She looked wierd and maybe the wierd look hurt her knee. Just a thought.

I like the Russian, Chakvadatze. Do you know why? She looks like she is on the verge of tears at all times. Something about her eyes. They are so sad! So Russianly sad! And she's a teenager, a cute one, with her long braid and perky athletic body. But when she opens her mouth, she sounds like a male fifty year old former boxer. It's unsettling, man! What is up with the deepness of her voice? My husband and I make politically incorrect jokes about the possibility that the Russian daughters of serious Russian athletes- Kuznetsova, Petrova, and perhaps, mournful little Chakky --are a little "different" due to the vast amounts of steroids that their parents took. Now, that's not nice of me. But it is a joke and I don't really believe it. But Chakky's voice! I love it, too. It's so incongruous and incongruity is good. It is.

I know I should say something here about Henin and Sharapova. Here's what I'll say: they are good tennis players. Sharapova's outfit is not working for me, but hey, like she cares what I think about her outfit. She's rich and famous and I'm just the latter- just kidding! I'm not famous. Someday, I'll write about Henin's boobs. But not today.

I am not going to say anything about the matches and that is the fault of Tracy and Tim, who chased me away from the television so I could not watch much of them. But now that I have a new visualization strategy, the future could be better. I hope to watch more Ladies matches even if Tracy and Tim are the commentators.

Off to watch more men's tennis.
Yours Truly,

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