Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Vina Del Mar (without the right Spanish typewriter to make the n and enye)

My favorite season has begun!!!!!

Clay court tennis, the red clay of South America and Europe, produces, in my opinion, the most fabulous matches. Now, this may have something to do with the fact that I really love the men who dominate on the surface. But many people love the clay court season, love the long rallies, the sliding, the dirtballers who dominate and play such a crafty, well thought out game. It's the surface where mindless ball bashing is not enough. And Mary Carillo loves the clay court seasons and I don't think she falls asleep every night dreaming of Spanish men in (Like me.)

So. Vina del Mar. I can't watch it, but I am reading all about it. And here are few things I will say.

Gaudio- you have mentioned you might retire. Dude, you won the French. You won a bunch of other titles, too. You should be very very proud. I, for one, will never be able to say- I won the French Open. You were amazing. You also strike me as completely nuts in a particularly Argentine way and I know this may sound nuts too- but I find your brand of nuttiness very attractive. Also, once I walkked by you out by the practice courts in Canada and I got so excited I felt like I would maybe faint or something. I was like- that's Gaudio! He won the French!

Coria- I like that you are setting the goal for this year at playing as many matches as you can. I'm a bit more worried about your loftier goal of reaching the top ten next year. Do you still have that gorgeous wife with you? You, too, have a particular kind of Argentine craziness, but for some reason, you take it like five steps further than anyone else on the tour. So, I don't find it as attractive for that five step further reason. I find your craziness slightly frightening and off-putting. That said, when you grabbed your crotch at Lleyton Hewitt, I freaked out in a good way. Damn! That was something! Sort of like when Ancic and Capdeville started pushing each other. (You see, I am a big hockey fan, too. And I like the fights in hockey, I admit it.) So, you have cajones, my friend. And I also worry about you because you are really much more "Indio" than any other of the Argentines on the tour and I know how prejudicial European-background South Americans can be.

Verdasco- Will you marry me? I love you.

Acasuso. Dude- I forgot to put you on my list of players I'd do it with! I think I'll put you on it. But, you need to change your socks more often. Last time I saw you in Canada, you looked as if you needed a bath and some clean socks and maybe clean other clothes. But you still were awesome. Go Chucho!!!

Juan Monaco- I didn't forget to put you on my list, you insanely hot thing. Damn.

Chela- I like you. I like that are tall and lanky, because I am. That's it for now.

Massu- I don't like you. You didn't sign my kids' balls when we saw you in Canada last summer. That is not nice. They are KIDS.

Gonzales- I think you are hot and I love the way you hit the ball. I don't like the way you get in the face of your opponents after you hit a winner. The whole walk toward the net, stare at them, and fist pump and scream AT them? Yuck. Fist pump AWAY from them, like Nadal. Much classier.

In my heart, I want Verdasco to win. But he won't. So in a smaller part of my heart, I want Chucho to win. If Ferrero were there, I would want him to win. Anyway, I jsut hope the Tennis Channel plays some of the final matches.
Yours Truly,

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