Me, Watching Tennis

Me, Watching Tennis
Me, Watching Tennis

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I Am Watching the Australian Open

I've been watching lots of tennis and not blogging enough. I feel badly about that. Right now, I'm watching Tommy Haas play Tsonga. Here are some observations: Tommy Haas, so far, is not behaving like a raving anal retentive German princess. Usually, that is how he behaves. Frankly, he looks like he might be on Ativan. I love Ativan. Or Benadryl. Maybe he is on benadryl. Even though Benadryl is for allergies, it does get you nice and stoned and therefore, sometimes I take it even if my allergies aren't acting up. Also? Evertime the announcers says "Hisense Arena" I think they say "Hi Serena" and are talking about Serena Williams. That is not the case. They are not saying hi to Serena. They are saying "Hisense Arena" which is a the name of a tennis stadium.

I'm watching Haas getting rubbed down. He's lying down on the tennis court and this man, the physio, has one hand on Haas's fine, round, muscular ass. The other hand is rubbing his naked back. I think I might go touch myself now.

The Beeg--Brad Gilbert--intimated that Baghdatis, who retired against Hewitt, is really fucking hungover. This is a possibility. He's a fun loving guy. One of my best friends is Greek, and she can party like no other. It's a gift. The Greeks are gifted partiers.

OK. It's later now.
Who is this blonde lady sitting in the booth or whatever you call it, and talking about tennis? She's not Australian. She's American. I am glad she's not Mary Carillo, but she looks high as a kite. Now some man named Tom Rinaldi is talking. I have no idea who he is, either. But he's not as high as the blonde lady. At first, I thought the blond lady- and I will put her name here eventually--OK, it's Chris McKendry, thanks to Rick Rock whose mind works a lot better than mine--might just be overly botoxed so that's why she looks so wierd and high. But it's not just botox. Because botox doesn't make your eyes all glassy and make you talk like you might have a very low IQ.

Man, I should be a tennis commentator on the Telly. I'd be HONESTLY high and not pretending to be professional and shit.

Yours Truly,

1 comment:

Ampersand said...

CHris McKendry cannot turn her neck - she only turns her whole body to the side. That is part of her weird, robot/pill junkie vibe. Actually that isn't even true - I just saw her turn her neck., oh well.