Zverev defeats Simon

He has nice teeth. I like Simon. What happened? Simon is not playing very well. Perhaps he needs a middle-aged housewife from New York - in the future- to help him play his best tennis. That match sucked ass. Simon did not play his best tennis. He needs me. Admit it. He needs me.

Yours truly.
Paula

Monaco defeats Murray!!!

I love all the diving Monaco is doing. He will be full of bruises tomorrow. I could ice them for him! I also really believe in arnica oil for bruises, especially the homeopathic versions.
Hi Juan Monaco!
It's 4/3 in the third, Monaco is up a break, but Murray could still win this easily. I am trying not to smoke and it's making me miserable. But smoking was making me miserable- not while I was smoking- but the next day.

Wait. Now Monaco just got broken. That sucks. But man, Murray is playing the best tennis of his life, although here, in this match, Monaco is just stinking a bit at just the right moments.

WOW!!!! The peeps are saying, Murray isn't serving well. But, uh, Monaco really really hit some great shots, massaged the ball and then- pulled the trigger when the time was right. Such smart tennis!!!

I love Argentine players. Yeah, Juan!!!!

Yours Truly,
Paula

Crivoi Defeats Blake

This was a very weird match. I am glad Crivoi -the Romanian qualifier- beat Blake because he should have, and then almost didn't, but then did and I'm happy about that.

I like James Blake. Of all the American players, I may like him the most. I like him better than Roddick, Mardy Fish- wait, I like Ginepri better than him, and possibly San Querrey- but I don't HATE Blake. (Um, I pretty much hate Roddick because of the way he talks to the chair and the way he picked his wife out of a catalogue, like he was shopping for a chair.)

That said, Blake was acting like such a baby. (Rick Rock just said, "maybe he needed his diaper changed). A grumpy prima donna. Yes, the weather was sucking. Yes, clay is not his favorite surface. But. BUT- then you prance around the court like the world owes you better than that? I mean, really. He exuded attitude. At times, he seemed like he was purposefully walking in slow motion between points.

He should beat the number 125 player in the world- right? But how can he, if he's so busy feeling sorry for himself? Because the weather sucks?And how awesome is it to see some young dude from some hellish country where NOTHING is given to you, you have to fight for every single thing, like, even pieces of bread and shit, win such an important match. Good job, Civoi.



Yours Truly,
Paula

Ferrer Beats Gonzo in Barcelona - Nice!

RR here -

Wow, nice match! A giant battle between those two. We have a soft spot for Barcelona, having met there! During a year in high school. Never made it to the tennis club though - I didn't, like, know about tennis! A regret. We belonged to a gym, at which I mainly played pool. Not really a gym thing I know. And drank beer. At the gym. As well as other places. And some hash was smoked. Whoops, we're talking about tennis!

Ferrer looked out after the first set but he battled back - a fierce, tight match. Maybe Ferrer had a little home court advantage. He yelled "puta!" a lot, and some other things.

I thought Davy was impressive to but, not enough against Rafa. I had no idea he had won this event the last 4 years. We want to go, but the timing is not good! Not aligned with the school vacations. Some day.

That was a fun match. Gonzo is always fun to watch - and Ferrer is a pit bull. I'm a little tired. We kicked off the Hancock, NY outdoor season today. Sun, wind and gnats.

Er, bedtime - singing out, RR

Nadal Wins His Fifth Title in Monte Carlo!

And then he came over and we partied and made love! That's a lie.

But what great tennis. I was like, wow Nole really could beat Rafa ON CLAY after watching that second set. And then there were the three longest games in the history of the world- and then it was like BLAM- it's was 6/1 and it was over.

I was thrilled, then confused. Nole just ran out of gas. Like, he went "ploof" and deflated like a balloon. But I give both guys lots of love for the great final they put on.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Various Disconnected Thoughts, Some About Tennis

RR here -

Andreas Beck looks almost exactly like Leo DiCaprio at 16 in "What;s Eating Gilbert Grape" - except that he's 6'2".

We were just discussing, Monaco has various princes, but no king/queen? Why is that? I have no idea - if anyone has the details, please elaborate.

I think our 4 cats really like the clay court season, because, clay courts are basically giant litter boxes. They are all watching...

P and I went to our very first baseball game ever, just last night, the Mets in their stadium. Myself I spent most of the time trying to find someone to talk to about tennis. We do like all the Dominican baseball dudes - we spend a lot of time in the DR.

We are watching Nadal and Murray - oh wow they just showed Danny Hanny in the audience! She lives in MC I think - er don't think it's a "dating" thing. Yikes, we just saw her in Sports Illustrated! It caused strife in our household....

Djokovic-Wawrinka was a pretty great match. This one is interesting but possibly will not be so tight. Nadal and Murray have quite a rivalry shaping up, but I don't know if it will be close on clay. I am very, very interested to see if Rafa can maintain his dominance on clay this season. As everyone says, he really is just getting better. But it can't go on forever!!! He is human! We shall see...

UPDATE: Wow, that was a fantastic match. The second half of that 2nd set, especially the tiebreak - really great. Murray really cranked it up, and yet... Nadal was like, gravity. Pulling him back to earth... very nice. Looking forward t the final tomorrow.

RR out

Djokovic defeats Wawrinka

I was feeling all hopeful when the Wav (as we call him, and pronounce it "Vav" cause Germans pronounce there "w" as "v"- neato, right?) took the first set but I must give credit to Nole (that is Djokovic's nickname, for the uninitiated) for buckling down and just managing to win it, grinding away. He's a good dirtballer! Can I say dirtballer again? What a great word, dirtballer. I think I'm going to throw it into my conversation like I have tourette's because I just enjoy having it roll of off my tongue. So, tonight, at my younger son's 10th bday party, I'll say, "would you like some more - dirtballer- pizza?" Or, "have some -dirtballer-more coke?" And "happy -dirtballer- birthday to you, happy - dirtballer- birthday to you!!"

Wait. I don't think this is a good idea.

Yours truly,
Paula

Wawrinka defeats Federer, Monte Carlo 2009

Wow. Wow. First of all, Verdsasco kicking Ferrer's ass? I wouldn't have thunk it. And then Federer losing. It just broke my heart. I mean, I love all sorts of players and I can live with Fed being number 2 to Nadal, but losing in straights to Wawrinka (who I like) just sort of killed a little thing inside me, sort of like when I wake up after staying up late facebook chatting with old boyfriends and my mouth tastes like a little creature died in it, due to an overconsumption of cigarettes and booze. I mean, it's just the beginning of the clay court season and this doesn't bode well for Federer.

Wah.

Yours truly,
Paula

Monte Carlo!!!!!! 2009- and part 5 of why I love David Nalbandian

I've been watching a lot of tennis. I just watched Verdasco beat Kohlshreiber. It was boring to me, for some reason. Too "quiet"? First match of the day? Now we have Federer and the Viking-Swedish-looking-barbarian-hords-were-everywhere-Italian, Seppi. Will this be more exciting? I am feeling sleepy. I might take a tennis nap, written about here more elaborately. (Look! I learned how to imbed links! Yeah me!)

Someone asked why Nalbandian is on the top of my list of possible tennis lovers that I would have if life was perfect. Here is my answer of the day, which would be different on another day:

Love is a strange thing, unexplainable, mysterious, surprising, gorgeous, physically arousing and baffling and exciting and amazing and wierd and heart stopping and painful and heart wrenching. I love David Nalbandian. I love him! I think it might have to do with I think he looks like Rick Rock. Now, when I say that to people--(and I wrote about it here I think for the first time, yes! imbedded links rock)- when I say, I think Nalbandian looks like Rick Rock, they look at me like I am crazy. And, well, I am a little crazy. But, years ago, when I was first discovering my future life of a person who watches tennis all the time, Rick Rock and I were not getting along. So I projected all my love for Rick Rock onto Nalbandian, because Rick Rock was not accepting and reacting to my love and loving me back and so I just loved Nalbandian instead and he didn't disappoint me because he only lives in the television in my life! Really. Once, I had a boyfriend in college who was a complete asshole to me but I loved him but he wasn't receptive to my love in the right way, so I became obsessed with Al Pacino because I thought Al Pacino looked like my college boyfriend. So -Nalbandian has a big nose. He has close set, blue eyes. He has a little head in comparison to his body. He is, in my mind, a double to Rick Rock. And so, I love him. Now, the real question is, why do I love Rick Rock. That I cannot answer. Also, Nalbandian is infuriating- he loses when he shouldn't, wins when he shouldn't, is mystery itself embodied in a tennis player--and RR is infuriating too! I'm not sure I would call Rick Rock mysterious though. I have to think about that. But my love for him is surely as mysterious as Nalbandian's tennis behavior.

Anyway, Fed and Sep are on serve. Naptime? Hm.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Monte Carlo Day 1: Vliegen vs Ljubicic: And it was all yellow. Plus, Porn Music

RR here -

HEY YOU! It's time for Monte Carlo! Lot's of changes to the tournament stuff this year, but this one is, like, an old friend. An ancient city, perched by the sea, renowned for it's glamour, high stakes games of chance, expensive real estate and tax shelters - no I'm not talking about Atlantic City. It would be Monte Carlo! It is nice there, and we should be there. But we are not!

We love the clay court season, despite the fact that the ball is nearly invisible against the red clay, despite having a huge-ass HD TV etc. In fact I did just make an eye-doctor appointment today. But someone has it in for me I think - right now, it's Vliegen and Ljubicic playing, and both are in yellow shirts and black shorts, both have the same hair cut (no hairs), both tall skinny dudes... help! Actually, everyone is wearing yellow. All yellow all the time. P thinks it's a clothing cartel conspiracy - like someone cornered the market on yellow and is cleaning up. I think it's a strategy to distract the other player - "hey why should I hit this wimpy little yellow ball when there is a big-ass yellow thing over THERE!" But that is a little far-fetched...

We just flipped to Meltzer v. Seppi (backwards in time, by the way - neat huh), and Meltzer is wearing.... yellow! P pointed out that Seppi, the Italian, is a big blond viking, whereas Meltzer, the Austrian, is a swarthy little dude. The mysteries of Eurasian barbarian horde migrations is a recurring theme in this blog...

OK set over - time for the Tennis channel porn music! What is that? Slow motion tennis/porn interlude between sets... only on the events with the Robby Koenig commentation team. Some special production deal/situation? With a company that otherwise does pornos? Not that we watch porn - well as P says, maybe a little when we were young and trying to be cool and laid back and swinger-y...

That's enough I think - missed then end of Ljubicic/Vliegen and actually, I care - does anyone know who pulled it out??

RR out

Suarez v. Cirstea

Third set people! Rick Rock thinks Cirstea is hot. We have a friend with a hot Romanian wife. Those ladies are like the Serbs and so forth (see this link here to my European ethnicity post) and have that hot hybrid vigor thing going for them.
Anyway, 19 is too young for RR to be checking her out. I'm sort of pissed.
That said, I check out young dudes all the time, so I'll shut up now.
Also, about tennis? What I like about this match is that it proves there are also women tennis players who are "dirt ballers" or clay court specialists. I love the whole clay court season so much and dig the whole scene of clay court specialists. It's so fun and surprising like- who are these people who come out of the woodwork only once a year?-- you know? Fun. Unlike when cockroaches come out of my woodwork at home. It's tennis players! And they are much better than cockroaches. So, yeah Spring! Happy Easter and Passover!

Yours Truly,
Paula

Azarenka defeats Serena Williams

I knew she could do it. Serena's injured leg helped her, but she just loved Serena's pace and even if Serena was a hundred percent, she had a chance. Girl's got game. Still, the score woulda been tighter for sure if Serena wasn't injured.

I like the up and comers on tennis. I like Del Potro, for example. Young blood! New blood! Blood!

Serena was really great during the ending ceremony. A real class act, really giving Azarenka the credit. Wow, she just earned serious love from me for that. And now Azarenka is being so sweet to Serena! Yeah ladies! I love good manners. Happy day.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Azarenka defeats Kuznetsova

Well, I was really wanting Kuzy to win this one. I love Azarenka's game, but man, we are huge Kuzerator fans here. She just has not been able to come up with the goods since that US Open win so long ago. I feel for her. Those last few points I feel I could I feel Kuzy tightening up. Two backhands into the net....to lose it. Oh Kuz! Come on over (with your noseplug, we have cat pee problems here) and let's hang out! Drink some Russian vodka!!!

Yours Truly,
Paula

Venus defeats Bendoversova

Too bad it was such a quick match. Rick Rock and I were thinking the police- undercover of course--would arrest her out on the court for soliciting. Man, NO ONE wears as tiny clothing as her. Holy crap. Too bad her expression looks like she's gonna beat you up. Um, but maybe that's cause her job has made her really tough? Dealing with the with pimps, living on the streets. Being Bendoversova is not a good life- maybe she would've been better off joining one of those "Russian Bride" websites? Walking the streets til 4 in the morning and then waking up and playing tennis? Hard life. Just a thought.

Your Truly,
Paula