Poor Tsonga

He just got his ass handed to him.
Something is wrong with him I think. Because he's a better player than that. Maybe he would like me to console him. I am very good at consoling handsome professional athletes. In fact, that may be why God put me on this earth. Tsonga, if you google "poor Tsonga" and find this? Leave a comment with your email or phone number and let's get together. I can do backbends. I'm very cuddly. I'm not a good singer, so I can't sing for you. But, anyway, I'm here for you, man. We could watch the final together and drink if you're into that. Or if not, I can watch the final and drink and you can come over after that, because that is what I am going to do. Then I'll do my backbend for you.

Also, I am 539 in my raquet bracket. That is better than 3000 and something. So, yeah. But it still sucks. Once, Rick Rock was number 6. He got a black T shirt that said Tennis Channel down the sleeves. I am still very envious that he was number 6 and won something because I LOVE TENNIS MORE THAN HIM!!!!!! He loves tennis, too. I know. But I'm just saying.
Sigh.

Yours Truly,
Paula

This Just In

In case you hadn't heard, there are Chinese women playing tennis. They are from China which is sort of still a Communist country. These Chinese women have coaches from all over the world and when they are in China they train together but they do not playing against one another because they are Chinese. Those Chinese women have funny names because their first name is their last name is their first name and oh ho ho isn't it strange, the way of The Orient. So, to recap, there are Chinese women playing tennis and going deep in the draw. They are from China. In case you hadn't heard.

That's Why She is The Best

Venus is clearly having some kind of existential crisis about tennis. She's still good enough to make a good run at a tournament but her heart is simply not in it anymore. I can't believe she lost to Na Li. Serena, on the other hand, is a killer and she has clearly invested a lot of time into working on her shot placement and her net game. I wish she could get healthy but she runs so hard on the court I'm not surprised her body is taped like mummy.

The Azarenka Williams match had me confused for a while until I realized Serena simply wanted to challenge herself a bit in preparation for the coming rounds. I find Azarenka a bit annoying. She is so petulant and whiny on the court with her little tantrums. If you're going to act out, go big. The petty displays of frustration are boring.

The third set was one of those sets that demonstrates the brilliance of Serena's game. My throat hurts from yelling so much. To see how her game has evolved over the past several years makes me tingle. The ridiculous commentators (my hatred of whom deserves a post of its own), always used to criticize the Williams sisters for being all power and no finesse. You don't hear them talking that shit anymore.In the third set though, Serena put on a goddamned clinic with those winners on Azarenka's serve and she exuded such confidence. She had second serve aces which you rarely see. Serena confused the hell out of her child opponent. Azarenka, toward the end of the set, could only shrug and smile because she knew that even though she had played quite well, she was outclassed when Serena decided to start playing well. I respect Serena's game. I respect it a whole lot. And I love her unconditionally. I don't know why but I just like everything about her on and off the court. So many of these players demonstrate so little personality. They bore me. Say what you will about Serena, but she is always always interesting.

Wow - Na Li beat Venus Williams?!?

RR here -

Oh wow I didn't think Na Li would win that. Dang. She played pretty good I guess. Sorrry, I'm a little sleepy. They zoomed in on Na Li's tattoo but we had it on mute - I couldn't tell what it was? Is it Papa Smurf? That was my best guess. Hello Kitty has an evil version, I forget the evil one's name. Just like Hello Kitty except like, all black, and evil. Anyway that's Japanese stuff, I doubt it was even the evil Hello Kitty. Na Li is Chinese, I know that, and probably not into Hello Kitty or any of the members of the Hello Kitty Pantheon. I don't know what it was? Hey Internet, what's Na Li's tattoo? The Internet knows everything....

Still, a decent upset, I feel bad for Venus, but nice to see Na Li, who people generally don't consider a real threat, having a bit of a breakthrough. And Zheng too! Pammy and Carillo talking, and one said "it's the first time to Chinese players are in the semis of a grand slam", and the other said, "I don't think it will be the last!" I forget which. As readers of this blog know, we believe that Mary Carillo is generally drunk. By the way - not a criticism, just an observation. But someone said, Pammy is the real drunk. Well, if so, I say, at least she can hold her liquor. Or something like that.

Now we are watching Azarenka and Serena. I am not fond of Azarenka, despite having many Belorussian friends (for real) and having spent thousands of hours driving a Belorussian tractor as a kid on my Dad's farm. Or maybe that's why I don't like her? No, it's the hollering and the general bad vibes. She seems to have imbibed the Bolliteri kool-aid, be a competitor first, human being a distant second. OK, probably not fair - what the hell do I know? Nothing. But - SHUT UP! I am just annoyed listening to her.

Let me say a couple of quick things about my Racket Bracket - I suck. Hi, I had Soderling in the men's final! And, I had Leni winning the ladies! Oops. I can't even look anymore...

Signing out - RR

Nadal Retires

Well, I do have in my raquet bracket a Murray/Federer final. But Nadal is my dream boyfriend and favorite in the top ten.

Look how hard he tried to play it out. What a man. He tried, but he doesn't want to really hurt himself....I love him.

Andy played well. I have him losing to the Fed, but it would be exciting if he won it,too. And at this point, my raquet bracket is so screwed I don't really care.

Aaaaaaaaah. Tennis. That said, I stayed up waaaay too late watching tennis last night and facebook chatting with this really cute old friend of mine who lives in LA and so for him, it was three hours earlier. Tonight, NO facebook chatting with cute boys! And staying up late watching tennis! NO no no.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Update: My Raquet Bracket Standings

Hi People. I am number 1710 in the WTA standings. I have Serena winning against Henin in the final. Perhaps when that happens, my standing will rise. Not sure. I did really crappy in the early rounds.

I am number 3149, I think, I'm not completely sure, in the ATP standings, as I cannot read my own handwriting precisely and I wrote down my standings on a piece of paper. The guy who is number one right now had 75 comments on his entry. He has Davydenko winning the whole thing, Roddick beating Nadal...some risky picks. He may be going down. I will say I'm super impressed with how well he called the early rounds. He should hang out with me. We could hang out and talk tennis. And watch tennis!

The Serena match was quick. It was not that thrilling- too bad. Stosur can play better than that. And now I am watching Federer demolish Hewitt. Again, not exciting. Oh well. Maybe later there will be some excitement.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Mary Carillo Is Drunk

Now, I had this short discussion once on facebook about Carillo being drunk and this other person claimed that Pam Shriver was the real drunk. But here are three drunken things that have transpired in the past hour of watching Venus and Schiavone- one, Mary said, "Another break!" when Venus held. There was no break. And then, "two points away from the quarterfinals!", and then, "I mean two games." And then- just called Verdasco Gonzalez. It's a little quiet in the booth now. Mary Jo is trying to keep it together and professional. But!-- it's hard with Mary in the booth.

Here's the deal- drinking and watching sports is fucking fun. But I wish we could be honest and not pretend about professionals and shit. I wish Mary was like, "haha, I'm so wasted", and then like, chest bump Mary Jo. Then, we'd watch them wrastle and Carillo's lesbian tendencies would get the better of her and she'd pin down Mary Jo and like, lick her face. That would be good tennis commentary. It would be more honest.

Oh, and I just found this on pophangover. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks she likes the ladies and that she's - insane. I just watched that whole video and - I am at a loss of words. WTF?

Also found on pophangover, some pretty pictures of tennis players. Check it out.

The Italian Stallion, Schiavone, is losing. I'm sort of sad. I love how Italian she is, and how dykey. Let's give her this- she made a good match of it. So good for her.

Yours Truly,
Paula