THE SEMI-FINALS OF MONTE CARLO AND THE RETURN OF RICK ROCK

PEOPLE. Rick Rock returned at 8am and everyone is much better off for it. Even the cats. For instance, the cat food can get full of ants and sometimes I take care of the situation, but sometimes I do not, pretending that it doesn't matter. Rick Rock - he'll help out with things like that. Aaaaahhh. A helper. I love help. I'm going to try to get him to blog, too. That would mean a tiny break from the "I want to have sex with tennis players and man, I feel hungover" meme that I work very hard to adhere to because of it's deep importance to the understanding of sports in our nation. Aw, he just brought me a cup of tea. I feel so grateful.

Ferrer is losing. I once saw him beat Nadal at the US Open. But that was not clay. Rafa and clay is like shrimp and cocktail sauce or a burger and a coke, or vodka and cigarettes, or bourbon and cigarettes, or martinis and oysters, or brandy and chocolate cake. Wow. I just got inspired for going out to dinner. I slept until 1pm today, so I'm not tired enough yet to have a "tennis nap". I'll try to get into this match. Sometimes, at the end of events- the final four and the final-I feel bereft and detached, like I can't maintain the initial love and frenzy I felt at the beginning of the week, when I had ten hours of tennis every day. Other times, I savor the last moments like a fine cognac, or even a decent bourbon, or like, a perfect martini, or -shit-a Coors tallboy with a straw stuck down it.

OK. It's 2 all in the second. Perhaps something exciting will happen (that would mean something like Ferrer starts getting ahead, or, like, jumps out of the TV and into my lap.)

Yours truly,

Paula

THE QUARTERFINALS OF MONTE CARLO 2010

Well, that Kohlschreiber/Ferrer match was PERFECT for a tennis nap. I snoozed on and off for two hours. Aaaaah. Glad to see Ferrer, also known as the turtle, (read this old post here that explains the "tennis nap", a common theme here at MWTATT (that acronym sounds vaguely like a vulgar word), and Ferrer and turtleness) win that one. He is from Spain. Did I tell you all I was in Spain a few weeks ago? I WAS! I stayed at a big old tennis resort hotel! There were some seriously hot tennis pros there. Sad to say, I was never alone with any of them. But we had some nice group lessons --all four of us--and the red clay was beautiful and Spain was beautiful and I did my best to prance around in tiny tennis outfits and smile at the cute pros a lot.

Right now, Ferrero and Nadal are playing. This, my friends, is a match I am NOT fast forwarding. I love both these guys. It's sort of torture- as in--I really don't want either to lose. Gosh. I could get worked up about this.

Sigh. Rick Rock has been travelling a lot and I'm bored and lonely. In fact, last night I stayed up til 3am or thereabouts (not sure, I know, it's funny), chatting away on the internet until I passed out. I have a gift for that- such a huge gift that we have downloaded some software that makes the internet go away at midnight (or whatever time you choose). The problem is- we only did it on ONE computer. Tomorrow, Rick will do it on the other computer, and maybe I can get cured from the "hi cute boys on the internet", although to be fair, I also could stay up all night chatting with Must Watch Tennis All The Time's Roxane Gay. She's so fun it's ..it's...Mindblowing. Anyway, then I got up a few hours later and got the kids off the school, then I went back to bed until 1:15pm. Then I got up and got acupuncture, because I am sick. Clearly, I am not going to get any better if I think I can stay up til 3am.

Nadal just won the first set. Ferrero really challenged him, though. I'll never forgive Roddick for beating Ferrero in straights at that US Open final all those eons ago. Know what else? That was the time that Nalbandian beat Federer! And then Nalbandian lost to Roddick - that match was so upsetting. Nalby threw the fourth set. The crowd was nuts. Am I the only person on the planet that remembers that all so vividly and yet, I can't remember what time I went to bed last night? HAHA. I'm retarded.

Here is how I am watching tennis. I am sitting on this couch/slash bed piece of furniture- it has no proper back. My little girl kitten, Pencils aka Penny, is at the end of it. Where I hang on it, it has developed a deep sag. And I'm not heavy- but I have persistently, over many years, sat here. It's my- nest. I have my calender with lots of scribbles on it (acupuncture 2pm!), about three various strength blankets, three very smooshed pillows, the clickerbicker (does anyone really call it the "remote"?Seriously, I'm curious.), Victoria Secret catalogues, two pairs of dirty socks, the phone a pen, some other catalogues, a very crumpled New Yorker, a short story I printed out, a dirty T-shirt- and yeah. Next to me is a table with wine, hand cream, two books, face cream, chapstick, lip gloss and a box of "vape" stuff. ( I now vape for the most part- which means, I almost don't smoke!!!! WOOHOO! Ask me all about vaping.)

My flatscreen TV is about a 3ft by 4foooter? I should know, but I don't. The weather sort of looks crappy in Monte Carlo. I want Ferrero to change his body language. he needs to hold his head up. He can do this- he can win. Although, that would mean Nadal would lose, which would make me sad. I'm so confused. I just wrinkled my brow in consternation.

Yours Truly,
Paula

MONTE CARLO 2010!!!!!

PEOPLE. I have been watching tennis, but I have not been blogging! So many other things zap my blogger energy. So I'm going to push myself here and blog even if my brain feels like a corn muffin.

Right now, I am watching six and a half hours of DVRed tennis on fast forward. This is one of those things that make me go "wow, I should be folding laundry" or "wow, I suck" but instead,, I'm laughing heartily at myself (and inner laughing, as in, no real laugh is coming out of my mouth at this exact second) and thinking- "God put me on this planet to do this, to watch tennis on fast forward". Occasionally- I stop. I just stopped and Nadal was crushing some poor not-as-attractive-as-Nadal guy, named De Bakker. That said, De Bakker is a professional athelete and I have no doubt in real life I would walk by him and get aroused. Pro atheletes- even minor league ones- are fucking hot.


What else? It's April and yet I'm still freaked out writing "2010" at the top of this post. I think I have serious issues with the passage of time.

Lots of my tennis blogging would be interspersed with complaining about the many stenches of cat pee and diarreah. Sad to say, both my 17 year old cats who caused Ninety percent of those smells, have passed away. I still have two cats, but both know how to use the litter box and don't have bowel problems. Wow. I have to say though, I just got sad thinking about them, especially Toby, who died very recently. Poor guy. I loved those fucking cats. I'm sad.

OK. Sorry about that downer. I've stopped fast forwarding for one second and landed on- Seppi and Montanes. Montanes is crusing in the third set. I think he looks just like Freddie Mercury!!! I loved Freddy Mercury! I don't know how to spell his name though!!! Queen was a very good rock band.

It's a beautiful Spring day and I'm sitting in my basement, watching sports on a ginormous TV. To my credit, I am sick. In fact, tomorrow, I'm going to get acupuncture for my sickness. Then I will come home and watch tennis.

Also, one of the announcers- the South African- just refered to Nadal's taking advantage of second serves as "wham bam, thank you". And I thought, wow, that's in reference to quick, hard anonymous sex. Hm. Tennis, one nighters in a bathroom in a bar- it all makes sense.

Now I'm watching Murray and Kohlshreiber on fast forward. This could be an interesting match up. And yet, I will not linger on it for long. For one, neither is terribly Spanish. I have seen both up close in Canada, and even if they are not Spanish, they are professional atheletes. I once blogged about why I love the Spanish dudes so much and am going to try and link that old post here. Oh My God! I found it! Read it by clicking here! The goal for today?? Get ALMOST caught up on my tennis watching. That and- I don't know- drink some wine soon? God, I'm so ambitious.

Yours Truly,
Paula