Let Down Tennis

Hi, my names is Agnes. I had such a great win over Venus Williams- I bageled her in fact, in the first set- that today I feel like my body and brain have relaxed into this "wow, I had a big win" thingy that happens and so I am sort of asleep on the court against Cibulkova. I have not actually layed myself down for a nap here on the red clay of Paris, but maybe I will in a few minutes.

So yeah, beating Venus was great. But Ciulkova? I mean, I don't really care if I beat her. Sadly. It just isn't as exciting as beating Venus.

OK. I'm done with my impersonation. I really thought that Szavay could win this but she's so out of it. I like her. I'm sorry she's not playing well. Although, she hasn't lost yet. But Cibulkova is about to serve for the match and so- yeah.

Wow. Fun last games. Cibulkova was so cute and nervous- not wanting to come in. Also, I will say that dear Agnes woke up a bit there at the end.

Yours truly,
Paula

Michelle Larcher de Brito - SHUT THE F* UP!!!!

Hi - RR here.........

Bleh I kind of hate even talking about this because... I hate to bitch about stuff... or something... and it's so clearly calculated to generate controversy. But I just remembered it really doesn't matter, this is just a blog and who cares??? So here goes...

There's been lots of discussion about Larcher de Brito's hollering in the match with Rezai. It was really weird. Marx said something like everything in history is repeated, first as tragedy and subsequently as farce. I wouldn't describe Sharapova's entrance to the scene as tragedy, but this was definitely farce.

Martina pointed out, while criticizing de Brito, that this is now taught. I would go further - the entire stunt was orchestrated. De Brito is a Bollettieri student, I don't know if it's a Bollettieri thing or if it's whatever sports management team she is being run by. But clearly, someone said, "OK it's time to up her profile - hey let's have her screech like a freaking zombie cat in heat. It worked for Sharapova - generated a lot of instant coverage, etc. " Then they orchestrated an interview - not with Rezai, who WON, but with de Brito - to "discuss" the controversial shrieking. In which de Brito just drooled out media-training nonsense while smiling sweetly.

The entire spectacle was just so wrong. The fakeness, the calculation, the media orchestration. All I can say is thank God for Martina, and Lief too, just calling it what it is. The whole philosophy of "take any edge you can get", is just flat out training in bad sportsmanship. Barf.

As for the shrieking itself, it's barely even worth talking about - it's obvious. Grunting is fine, shrieking like that is clearly awful. The chair should have just gotten down and bitch-slapped her. And then someone should make her clean up her room.

Whoops - better go - RR

Agnes Szavay Defeats Venus Williams

What? A bagel? Breakfast served up to VENUS? I find it hard to believe. And I didn't see it. My tennis teacher told me about the upset early this morning even though he knows I tape it and watch it later in the day. He goofed. I forgive him. He is a super big sweetheart so he can make a booboo once in a while and my heart does not waver.

More soon?

Yours Truly,
Paula

Rezai v. Larcher de Brito

I think my blogger buddy Rowan has a thing for Rezai from when she played in New Zealand.

Let me say, these bitches are FEISTY! They appear to HATE each other. I am LOVING this match!!!! OK, I'll stop capitilizing, but yeah. This is a fantastic match, thank goodness they are showing this instead of Ivanovic whomping some poor Bendoversova (I always joke she's on the wrong channel...).

Rowan, your girl Rezai won in a tiebreak here in the first set. She really hates de Brito's shrieking. Lots of discussion about de Brito's shrieking. I am digging the contraversy. I did not take one game off of my tennis pro today. Mostly, we do drills. Today, we played points. I blame it on facebook chatting with ex-boyfriends until 1am.

Now what's this? You would think I would be happy they switched to Verdasco and Almagro- two hot Spanairds, but man, there is no atmopshere. I would take a tennis nap, but I have to go to the vet in a half an hour. I want Rezai and de Brito back! Sigh. Now they are showing Nole and some dude named Stakhosky. A snoozefest as well. Sigh.

OK - More later.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Venus WIlliams v.Safarova

Venus is up a break in the second. I know she lost the first, and I know that clay is not the best surface for Venus, but I still can see her winning this.

This third set is FANTASTIC!!!! I can't blog right now, cause I'm watching it.
Well, Venus- I called you pulling it out, but I had no idea what a great, great match it would be! Whoah.

What's next? Fed and Acasuso? Tight first set, I saw. Aaaah.

More later.

Yours truly,
Paula

Tsonga v. Monaco

Wow, tiebreak in the fourth, five all in the breaker. The crowd is all nuts! I like both these guys, but I still hold it against Tsonga for not shaking the chair's hand when he was in the final of the Australian Open (The French! They can very arrogant, as can the Argentines... and well, everyone). I am a manners fanatic. Especially when it comes to the chair. Just treat them with respect, that's all I ask.

I am sick. The vague guilt I have at spending a day watching tennis is diminished slightly when I am sick because- well, I am sick and can't go to the gym or do other stuff non-sick people do. That said, I'm mad that I may miss a half marathon I've trained hard for and I feel like shit, which sucks. And am slightly worried it's swine flu...(don't go there, don't go there).

Monaco just fell going for a shot. I LOVE that effort. Love it.

Match point. My heart feels sad for Monaco. I can sort of barely watch. I'm half looking, and then looking away. Like a kid looking through thier fingers during a scary Disney movie. Sometimes, I get stressed watching ends of matches.

Oh they were so great at the NET! What great men. What great tennis. Wow. I love tennis.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Gabashvili v. Nadal

I write about Gabashvili from time to time. (Click here to see my longish post on him). He won his first round! That is great for him. But he has to draw Nadal in round two? I feel sorry for him. But he's 4/4 in the second right now and you know? Not a bad score. He's really fighting and playing some awesome points.

I love Nadal, but I'm a sucker for an underdog, especially one with such pockmarked skin.

Yours Truly,
Paula

I'm Watching Tennis Today

This is a goooood match. I'm at match point for Maria at 6/7 in the third. And that's it!!! She won. Man, Nadia just earned some serious respect from me. What a fight. And they were nice at the net!

I watched Serena and that young Chek girl yesterday and the "anguish" as Pam or someone said on Serena's face! They mentioned that she had lost her last four matches or something. But man, her face! So anguished. It's painful to watch her when she's like that. It embarrasses me. Then again, Serena doesn't care what I think of her facial expresssions. And she pulled it out. She's my pick. Rick Rock has Safina winning it.

Two fine matches by four fine women. And now? Ahhhh. More tennis!!!!

The ticker tape (it's not called that, but you know what I mean) on ESPN just showed a bunch of scores. Why is it that I find looking at ticker tapes of sports scores so damn soothing? It's like a bubble bath or a massage to me. Ahhhh. Sports scores....mmmm...nice. I'm wierd. That said, I bet there are others who find them soothing and that is why they exist maybe! To soothe! It's not just to impart information! It's a de-stressor! I just used a bunch of words and phrases that don't exist or make little sense. Safin is playing now. He's stinking up the place. He's cute, though.

Yours Truly,
Paula

THE FRENCH OPEN 2009!!!!!

Aaahhhhhhh. So much tennis!!!!
Right now I am watching the nutty Bethanie Mattek-Sands try to hold serve in the second set against Venus Williams. I've seen her take a set off of one of the Williams sisters. But still-getting Venus for your first round sucks.
Bethanie's outfit seems pretty normal. She also looks like she pumps serious iron. I like her. Once, I saw her play at the US Open and she was wearing a wierd cowboy hat that was shaped like a tennis visor. I'm not explaining it that well, but man, it was super funky. She sauntered on the court to and I like women who saunter. I bet she's fun to drink with, that's what I think. If I had to choose a drinking buddy from the women's tour, she would be on the top of my list. And after her? Pretty much any of the Russians- but not Sharapova- like, Myskina (I know she's not on the tour anymore, but still), The Kuzerator, Safina (especially if she brought her brother with her). Russians, in my experience, are fun and wild drinking people.

Venus just saved two serve points.
Oh yes! Bethanie took the second set. My guess is Venus will come back hard in the third. We'll see!!!!

I love watching tennis. Did you know that? I do.

More later.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Edina Gallovits

Hi everybody! Rowan here, I thought I would post something today. I was going to write something about the similarities between Jelena Jankovic and Lady Gaga, but I should save that one for after JJ wins the French Open. You gotta believe.

I’m gonna say something about a player I like, Edina Gallovits. She’s a cute little player from Romania. She’s ranked 81 in the world at the moment, and got up to 54 last year. She hasn’t really done anything lately, but that’s cool. She likes to play on clay, so I’m hoping she’ll upset somebody big at the French Open and then this post will seem all relevant and soothsayery.

Like most obscure players I like, I first noticed Edina Gallovits when I saw her play in Auckland. She had attitude, I like players with attitude. Talent and good looks will get you far, but it’s attitude that makes a player special. She’s one of those players who wears sunglasses on court, how much more attitude can you get?

But what I really like about Edina Gallovits is her twitter page! She updates it a lot, and it is ten times cooler than most of the celebrity twitter pages I’m guilty of following. Sorry @RealHughJackman, but @EdinaGallovits has you beat. Like all good celebrity twitter pages it really lets you know what’s going on in Edina’s personal life away from her glamorous tennis career. And of course her attitude totally shines through:

EdinaGallovits: VACATION TOMORROW! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! bahamas baby! ! ! ! ! i will be out of touch for 1 week guys. kisses!!

EdinaGallovits: WWWWWOOOOOOW! Atlantis was the best vacation EVER! ! ! ! I highly recommend. We rode jetskis, went on slides, were underwater with sharks

EdinaGallovits: GO Atlanta Hawks!!!!game 5 baby...

EdinaGallovits: The hawks killed mia !!!! Boooya !

EdinaGallovits: Just watched "17again" ! It was awsome!!!dinner@the movie's..no better way to finish a sunday! Now back to tennis tmw! Cant wait!!!

Of course it’s neat to know that Edina likes jetskis, basketball and Zac Efron, but what the fans really want to know is how Edina feels about tennis. Has she got that passion that you need to become a top player? That drive that all great champions have?

EdinaGallovits: Had a good practice with Melanie Oudin!She is always fun to hit with. Now I am ready for tomorrow. 5.30pm Baby!!LET'S DO THIS!

Yeah! 5.30pm baby! Let’s do this! I like that a lot. Edina Gallovits has definitely got what it takes. I think there’s some success in her future, keep your eyes peeled.

EdinaGallovits: Won today! ... yeeey.. felt good being out there grinding ! playing again tmw! I need some sleep! nighty night !

Aw, she’s great fun. My favourite tweet from Edina though would have to be this one:

EdinaGallovits: I also played agains Blake. . .I hit my hardest serve at him and he smacked it back like i sent him a lob. . hahahahahaha

Good for her! Happy clay court season everybody.

Safin's Last Year

OK, like, did he even care that he lost to Tsonga in the first round here in Madrid? I am so sad. I mean, I love Safin. I know he's 29 and that is old age in terms of tennislandia, but still. It's over. The Safin era seems over before it'll really be over, which is soon. Does this mean I have to take him off my list of players I'd sleep with? Because he's not a player anymore? Do I need to make a list of "once players I would sleep with"?
I liked the way he and Tsonga were friendly at the net, at the handshake, but then I also immediately thought, I bet those two get along because they both are shameless tennis groupie take-advantagers. And that's cool- hey, you're only young once. Still, wierd how that popped into my mind right away.

Now I watch Chela and Bolelli. Chela, too, is no spring chicken. Sigh.

Also, the atmosphere in Madrid, one of my favorite places in the universe? Not so good today. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Yours Truly,
Paula

Kuznetsova aka The Kuzerator

The Kuzerator!! She's back! She's rock solid. She looks so calm out there! Maybe she'll win he French? What do people think?

I like her "nature". She has this sweet thing going on. And you have to feel for her because she's not hot and making gazillions off of selling cameras or reality TV shows or whatever. She is up there with Mauresmo as one of my favorite lesbians (but she's not "out" like Mauresmo and that's OK. I still like to say she is one and I say it as in, "Yeah man! You love who you wanna love girl!")

Does she have a new coach? I mean, I haven't seen her play like this in eons.

Azarenka, now, she's cute and kills the ball like she's the meanest person in the world but she seems sweet like Kuzy. I know her less well than Kuz- in fact ,I don't actually know either of these women personally, but you all know that--so what do I know! Very little! But really, how they come off on the court? They exude some inner thing about themselves for sure. Azarenka is pretty. Tall, blond. I am tall and blond. And yet, I am rooting for Kuz. Now, I do like some tall blond players- I like Danny Hanny A LOT. I don't know why, or maybe I do, maybe it's because she's had such public problems with her weight and her um, mind. And there was one other- oh, well, as you all know, we LOVE Dementieva. "Keeya!", As she says, and as Rick Rock says she says.

Maybe someday I can learn to love Azarenka. Now, my feelings for her are something like this, "eh, whatever." Not in a bad way, but in a neutral way.

I love the Kuzerator. I want to give her a big ole Gay Lady hug.

Yours Truly,
Paula